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 Post subject: Realty
PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:25 pm 
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Scouts, we found you
Picked you up out of the desert
And you told us the trials of starvation
Told us how you wanted to die
We listened

Temperatures change
Back and forth
Then come full circle
A year later we sit face to face
In a damp dark room
Won’t paint the walls
Can’t sell the house

You still want to die
I wonder why you can’t


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 Post subject: Re: Realty
PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:32 pm 
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for the record the last line was actually supposed to be "now tell us why you can't" but I forgot it. I don't know which is better.


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 Post subject: Re: Realty
PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 1:48 am 
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Dev wrote:
"now tell us why you can't"




This ending, I like better. So "realty" is the title. Not a typo for "reality?"


I read your Swan one too. You seem to have a knack for writing vaguely. :thumbsup:

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 Post subject: Re: Realty
PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:40 am 
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Yeah realty is the name.


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 Post subject: Re: Realty
PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:57 am 
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That would make sense with the "can't sell the house" line.

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 Post subject: Re: Realty
PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:58 am 
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Dev wrote:
Scouts, we found you
Picked you up out of the desert
And you told us the trials of starvation
Told us how you wanted to die
We listened

Temperatures change
Back and forth
Then come full circle
A year later we sit face to face
In a damp dark room
Won’t paint the walls
Can’t sell the house

You still want to die
I wonder why you can’t

i like this ending, it is blunt like a though and kinda gives the impression that you don't want to pry. i just like the way it ends here but which ever ending you choose it is a great piece

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 Post subject: Re: Realty
PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:39 am 
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"I wonder why you can't" is the line to go with.

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