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#1 - Scott Tenorman Must Die
#2 - Korn's Groovy Pirate Mystery

Cartman Joins NAMBLA

For the lengthy synopsis:

Spoiler: show

The episode begins with the gang playing a game that Eric Cartman has decided to play, Investigative Reports with Bill Curtis. Cartman believes that he is maturing faster than his three friends and he decides to seek out a more mature friend. He decides to turn to the internet for this, going to a chatroom titled "Men Who Like Young Boys". He decides to meet one of these men at a restaurant where the man gives Eric a few gifts and begins to rub his back before the police bust in and arrest him for soliciting a minor. He goes back online and meets another man to meet. He does this and is surprised to find Mr. Garrison. When the police arrive Garrison plays it off as Eric being the one soliciting him but they are not convinced. Cartman, being too naïve to know what's really going on, concludes that Stan and Kyle are behind his "friends" being arrested. Garrison and Tony are in jail when a commotion can be heard outside, members of a local group decide to rescue these "political prisoners" who have done "no crime other than loving a young boy".
In a subplot Kenny's parents have decided they want another baby. Kenny has visions of a satanic baby as well as being pushed to the wayside in the wake of another child and is against it. While playing catch with his father he throws the baseball into his dad's crotch, shattering his left testicle. Despite this his mother gets pregnant anyway. Kenny adds abortion pills in his mom's vodka, but his dad accidentally drinks it instead and gets heavy diarrhea and vomits. Kenny sees an ad on TV for a new ride at the local amusement park, "The John Denver Experience", which cautions that pregnant women should not ride, and Kenny insists his parents take him. At oppurtune times his father vomits and poops into trashcans while there. Eventually Kenny gets frustrated enough and chases his mom down with a plunger.
Meanwhile Cartman visits Dr. Maphesto and tells him of his need for more mature friends and Maphesto refers him to NAMBLA, saying Cartman "looks about right". When he arrives he finds it to be the North American Man/Boy Love Association(**a real life organization by the way**), and the participants are overjoyed that a young boy has decided to join their group. As time goes on Cartman spreads word of this great new place where everyone thinks he's cool and invites more boys to come at the NAMBLA members' requests for more young boys. Eventually Maphesto gets wind of where he actually sent Eric to and rushes there to stop it seeing as he was referring to the "North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes." At the meeting the NAMBLA members are getting ready to take the boys into seperate rooms to make love to them as the police, Maphesto, and even eventually Kenny's family enter, with Kenny chasing his mother with a plunger still. A chase scene ensues ending with the boys being safe but Kenny's father is in a dark room with several members who, with the lights out, mistake him for a young boy and make love to him. Eventually all of the NAMBLA members are arrested and the leader laments that pedophiles can't help but have natural urges and should have the freedom to express them, which is met with Kyle disgustedly saying, "Dude. You have sex with children!" to which Stan adds, "Yeah, you know, we believe in equality for everybody, and tolerance, and all that gay stuff, but dude, fuck you!"
An ambulance comes to take Kenny's father to the hospital and it runs over Kenny. At the hospital Kenny's mother gives birth to a baby boy, who they decide to name Kenny out of respect for their now dead son.

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Mrs. McCormick: Kenny, your dad and I are thinking about having another baby. Wouldn't you like to have another brother or sister?
Kenny: (No.)
Mr. McCormick: We just might get workin' on it later tonight, huh huh huh. [they walk off giggling]
Cartman: God-damnit, poor people suck! Your family is already on welfare, and now they're gonna bring another kid into the world. Poor people are turning out babies, adding to the overpopulation, and they're expecting me to pay for it with my tax dollars.
Stan: You don't pay tax dollars, Cartman! You're eight!
Cartman: …You see, this is just what I've been talkin' about! I can't even relate to you guys anymore because you're too immature!
Kyle: What?

[Cartman sits down at the computer and begins typing in the male chat room]
Hi everybody! I am a young boy seeking an older male for good times. I am eight years old and would li-
[Popup chat sessions flood the screen]

NAMBLA leader: All these men wanted was to love a young boy! [pounds the table a few times] There is nothing wrong with love!
Mr. Garrison: I did not want love from a young boy! I like men my own age. [gasps and shrieks] Aah! I mean, I like women! What did I say?-Oh God! I love titties!

[Kenny goes to the pharmacy to get morning after pills]
Pharmacist: Can I help you, young lady?
Kenny: [wearing a blonde wig] (Yes. I'm looking for some morning-after abortion-)
Pharmacist: Oh, you want some morning-after abortion pills. Well, they're right over there. [points to them]
[Kenny grabs one of the brands and takes it to the counter]
Pharmacist: Uh, I'm sorry, young lady, but I can't sell that to you without permission from your parents.
[Kenny hands him a note that reads "I Hereby Give My Daughter Permission to Abort her Baby. - Mother"
Pharmacist: Oh, well, alrighty then. Cash or charge?

[In the hospital, after the birth of their new son]
Mr. McCormick: Coo, cootchy-coo, coohoohoohoo, cootchy-coo.
Mrs. McCormick: Our little angel, yes.
Mr. McCormick: Oh, he's so beautiful. I know it's been hard on both of us losing poor Kenny. But this new baby kind of reminds me of him.
[a shot of the baby reveals a boy in a little orange parka with the hood tight on his face, like Kenny before him]
Mrs. McCormick: What should we name him?
Mr. McCormick: Well, seeing as though Kenny passed away, maybe we should name him ah,… Kenny.
Mrs. McCormick: Yes. Kenny's such a great name. My little Kenny, a brand-new Kenny.
...[pause]...
Mr. McCormick: God, this must be the fiftieth time this has happened.
Mrs. McCormick: Fifty-second.

i love the whole thing with kenny's dad where he's puking, shitting, and bleeding from his nose

I love this show! The fact that there is an actual NAMBLA organization that really believes in molesting boys is disgusting though.

i think i'm done doing these.

Quitter

"B" would disagree.

wouldn't even put it in my top 100, yet it's still hilarious.

Allen Ginsberg (beat-poet) is a member

great fuckin ep

I love the scene near the end where they're all running from room to room. Fucking hilarious.

great throwback to old comedy

i agree

<Hung Daddy> "Hi, I'm eight and a half inches."

<Cartman> "I'm not interested in being friends with midgets. Midgets piss me off."

haha i love the french guy trying not to drop the tray

Just to comment on this, Ginsberg begean his essay in the book "Deliberate Prose" (I believe the essay was entitled "Thoughts On NAMBLA") with this:



I'm not debating whether or not he was a pedophile or a pederast, but I would say that the argument can certainly be made that he was not.