I'll also say where did this go. There were a lot of analogies, perhaps more than I would have liked ending a few stanzas in a row; but oh so far from a distraction.
First stanza: change nothing
Second: ink black another comparison would help; yes I read it aloud, something more here.
Third: content
Fourth: Hair, equally deceptive Though typical it seems
Fifth: cut is I don't like the allusion here, I want more of her from the narrator's POV.
Sixth: I do like that
Seventh: not face, an image of the narrator's face Left shoulder would be nice for luck, unless you tell me right for some other reason
Eighth: But I did not detail efficiently the lashes. Awkward Line three has some nice closure.
Ninth: smoke? from... I want a bit more of the boat, who is your lady for the time being.
Nice job indeed, author.
_________________ absinthe makes the heart grow fonder And so it goes...
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