Walls

After what seemed like an hour, she came back down the stairs. At first, she busied herself with unnecessary chores... rearranging the cushions on the other sofa, smoothing out the blanket that laid over the back of the blue chair, and pretending to read the titles of books that lined the shelf. Though her behavior didnt betray her feelings in any traditional way, I knew how upset she was. And if she wanted to be alone for a moment, I wasnt going to trouble her with my voice, or the patronizing tone it would surely convey. Instead, I laid my head back and closed my eyes, though not to sleep. Only to afford her a bit of privacy.

Though I couldnt see her, I was aware of her every move, her every breath. I knew that she was looking at me for a moment, then for several. And though my fake sleep was believable, I had to wonder if despite the fact that my actions didnt betray my feelings... did she know, too?

We are both adept at hiding our feelings. In many ways, this can be a blessing. When its with someone you love, it is a curse.

I dig it, and can definitely relate.

You use "feelings" too much in the last few lines. I know it's only twice, but it's twice too many. The problem isn't the repetition of the word; it's the word itself. It tells too much without showing anything, and that's the basic problem with this passage: you start off fine with good description, but then you start talking about abstract feelings and telling how the people feel and discussing human situations in general and it sounds cliche and hollow.

Really, this is where it goes south:

"And though my fake sleep was believable, I had to wonder if despite the fact that my actions didnt betray my feelings... did she know, too?

We are both adept at hiding our feelings. In many ways, this can be a blessing. When its with someone you love, it is a curse."

You have to ask yourself if in the heat of the moment, you character is going to think about the universal good and bad of hiding your feelings--the answer is no. He's not going to speak the final three lines, not in his head, not ever, unless he's
A- a fake character
B- Neurotic or strange, which isn't displayed in the first paragraph.

Take a lesson from Hemingway--who I don't really like but can respect. You don't always need to tell how the character feels. Sometimes it helps (As in, in most of Ernie Hems' novels, a little more telling would allow the reader to think the character had, what, I dunno, a pulse?). But most of the time, giving a name to a thing makes it false. The reader should get the mood of the scene without you telling them what he's thinking. Whether you stop it before where I suggested, you pan out, move on to the next scene, or having another action happen is up to you, but you lose all the subtle beauty when you use rhetorical questions and spell it out like that.

(P.S. this is really long but really, this isn't bad. Just focus on the subtle instead of the overblown. That's the key to beauty.

I sort of agree regarding the use of the word feelings.

Other than that I really enjoyed this, Ryu.