Seems to be all over the place. Sounds great in some places: ... You have heightened senses In your finger tips A trying day, a cow to milk ... Dead round the neck A support system A divorced system ...
It just doesn't seem to land anywhere. ... Waiting game Just anyone I can’t imagine How it’s done ...
This is why I don't like rhyme.
Again, it seems like there is a much bigger idea that needs to be tapered down and exposed. The imagery that is tacked into the last stanza should swim throughout the piece, make connections and draw the reader in; then drown them.
Good job though, keep on truckin'
_________________ absinthe makes the heart grow fonder And so it goes...
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