I am looking for a kindred spirit that enjoys, sex, baths, and cereal. So why not try them all at the same time? Now, be warned… I have some very specific stipulations for this fantasy of mine:

1) The cereal must have less than 2 grams of protein per serving. That’s right, the pure sugar stuff kids eat to get roofed like junkies on speed. These can include:

Fruity Pebbles
Count Chocula
Cookie Crisp
Cocoa Pebbles
Cocoa Puffs
Golden Crisps
Honey Smacks
Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch
Cap’n Crunch
Apple Jacks
Froot Loops
Corn Pops

If you have other suggestions I am more than happy to entertain them.

2) It must be 2% milk, having sex in a bathtub full of cereal is no time for moderation. Plus, I need to get my daily dose of Vitamins A and D.

3) You must be comfortable in the doggie style position. I don’t see any other way to avoid shrinkage and still let you enjoy your cereal before it becomes too mushy.

4) If you insist of photography/videography I will need to insist that I wear a Mexican wrestling mask a la Nacho Libre.

5) I plan on making this a safe encounter to please feel free to bring your own utensils.

After we are finished if you feel like you need something to make you regular again, I should have some Grape-Nuts that you can nibble on. If you are serious, send me a photo, I need to make sure you can fit into the tub.

Craigslist?

stay away from any of the chex. or crispex.

After reading ad after ad on Craig's List about individuals seeking to find a relationship offering meaning, contentment, or an opportunity to be spanked by a dominant transgender nun, I have decided that all I really want right now is a pretend relationship.

The benefits of a pretend relationship lie in being able to communicate (via email only) with another individual about things that are not actually occurring in one's life. It's the incredible chance to be completely dishonest with another individual who wants nothing more than a beautiful pretend connection with another soul.

We needn't share photos, real names, or accurate personal data. I will never ask you to call me, meet me, or send me your bank account routing number to help a deposed Nigerian dictator who will pay you back in millions. I just want to have a deep, intense relationship that has no actual roots in reality.

To be my pretend girlfriend, you must be exceedingly intelligent, articulate, and edgy. Your sense of humor must be phenomenal -- I would never pretend date someone who was not incredibly funny. You should be quite beautiful with striking features, (though I will never really know if it's true). It's essential that your mastery of English includes proper spelling. I will pretend break-up with you in a heartbeat if you make lots of typos. That's a major turn off...

I am (in truth, just this once) a really bright, very good looking physician, who is probably running a bit hypomanic in recent weeks. I am coming off of a very painful pretend-break up, so I might be pretend rebounding right now.

Potential pretend girlfriends please note: I will not respond to any replies that include photos of your penis.

:scratchy: