Dear friends of RM,

I would like your thoughts on a thing that is constantly on my mind lately. I'm a bit confused where I want to go with my life and I feel I don't want to choose the safe option. I'm not like that. You know, I have a pretty good job here, I have friends all around my region, I live practically where I was born, my family is here. I could easily find a girl that also chooses to stay here and has no ambition to go anywhere. We buy our house, have kids and live long and 'happy'. I already had girlfriends like that and everytime I found myself scared to go into a serious relationship because I don't want this life that they want to live.

I live in quite a rural area, it's 50km to Lille (a big French city just over the border here), it's 50km to Gent, 100km to Brussels. And for many of you those distances will probably sound ridiculous, but for me they're so huge. I feel like I live in a less civilized part of the world and our region is definitely seen like that even by the rest of my country. Most of my friends have no ambition at all to go somewhere. Live here, work here, die here. We go to the same pub every week, talk with the same people, about the same subjects. I cringe at the thought of seeing myself there in 40 years still with those people discussing the same, banal things. I was in Barcelona last week and had dinner with Portuguese, Greek and Belgian people. I loved that. I'm so tired of this life where everything you do just takes 2 days to go all around the village, where people look at you in a strange way if they find out you actually live 2 villages further as like you're from some kind of foreign country or even planet.

I want to live in a city that breathes, that lives, that has something cultural, where there's something to see, where not everything closes at 5pm except one restaurant and 7 pubs. My first wish is to live in Gent. I absolutely love that city, studied there, still go there very often. Only worry, It's like 45min drive to my work. Now is 20m, so that's a bit of a difference, plus it's a bit more expensive to live there. Now I still live with my parents, so I can't get any cheaper. But I really don't want to grow old sitting in the same place having done absolutely nothing that I dream of. You see?

I've been speaking with my dad & my sister and they're really supportive and told me they don't want me to stay where I am, I need to go out and live my life. My dad says he wants me to go even further. With my knowlegde of so many languages and stil learning, he would really support my to go abroad as he said multiple times. His favourite city he's been to is San Francisco. But that's a bit a huge step for me. But I really would love to live in a city in a country where it's not 9 months per year winter like here.

I think it'd be good for me to go on my own. Only downside is this thing called crisis. Going to live on my own is going to be so expensive compared to now being at home, paying a little thing to my parents but nothing compared to paying everything. Is it good giving up my job & life in this state of the world?

i've read about some of you moving to another region and looking back happily. But I'm a bit afraid. You know, i'm an eternal doubter, I overthink everything way too much. But I think I really need to take this step, go out. Because I don't want to spend another 5 years thinking about all things I could do with my life and ending up having done absolutely nothing, staying here in the same boring village.

What would you say?

I'd say move to where you want to. And if it doesn't work out you can always go back home.

i'm thinking about moving too

-1 point for not having a bright eyes titled thread

but seriously:
It sounds like you've made up your mind to move somewhere different and more populated. Find a place that fits your expectations and do what you can to find a way to live there.

This is a tough call. It sounds like you are very responsible so it really just comes down to this:

Do you have the financial support to survive in place X for 6 months should you lose a job or not find one? I think the question whether you should move is easy: Yes. The harder question is do you do a baby step move first, save up more money, then make a larger jump?

As you said, the world is pretty fucked right now. That doesn't mean you should give up on life, but it does mean you need to be rational about the kind of job you might be able to find and what it will pay.

Best of luck to you. It's easy staying in our comfort zone. Congrats on trying to branch out, meet new people, experience new things.

this might be a little off topic, but what ever happened with this:

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=79360&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=40

Basically there's no risk and all the risk in the world in any decision you could make. So it's all bull shit, just go, you don't gotta commit to anything, head out there and do what you want, if it doesn't work than move on. You can always regroup at base camp for a bit, it sounds like your parents like you. Anyway I say the greater the risk you take the greater the reward. Might have something to do with entropy.

i agree with dev

well i dont know if i get the last sentence but aside from that

but i also like trade's cautious optimism on the subject.

I'd say go for it, do what you want to do right now before it's too late. You can try and if you don't like it you can always still go live again where you are now.
And I feel exactly the same way. I'm going to move to Gent, I don't know when but I definitely want to. My plan is to save up a bit now and then next year rent a place in Gent with a friend or something. And I've been thinking to actually move to another country for like a year or so, I'd really want to move to Berlin, but that's probably never going to happen.

This, do this. I drive 45min to work and it's actually not that bad. I have a coffee and listen to an album on the way in. The ride home is a bit worse, but not bad enough to rule out your first wish.

And 45 mins isn't actually all that much though! I read in the paper belgians like to commute and are even willing to travel for two hours or more for a job.

to quote elliott smith: playing it safe is the most popular way to fail

I'm Australian and have been living in Ireland for 8 years. We came here (my wife and I) knowing nobody. Not a soul. We came here out of a desire to travel, and had friends in Oz visit Ireland and say it was great. That was enough for us to move here. We love it. Granted, we had a job and visas first, as we're both nurses, so we did have a safety net.

I'd say: go for it. But save up a bit first to ensure you can survive without a job for a while. Where do you want to go? If you go to somewhere like London, your opportunities will be greater with regard housing and the like. London has so many people, and so many immigrants, so there's loads of places to look for housing, jobs etc.

Smaller cities, like Dublin, are a fucking disaster economically at the moment, because the population is small.

I'd say just go for it: you can always go home. Can you take a 6 month unpaid leave of absence from your job? If so, it'll be waiting for you when you get back. Go and ask your boss about it-he/she might be understanding. It also might be your RIGHT to have unpaid leave in Belgium-I'm not familiar with the employment legislation there. Go and find out. Make enquiries. You sound like you've decided already.

I know this: if you feel this way, and you don't do something about it, you will live to regret it. Who wants to be 80 years old, going, 'only if I'd...'? Fuck that for a game of dominoes.

Hope this helps,

Randall

I feel like I can help you out because I've had "moves" similar to what you're talking in my life. I went to college in Los Angeles for two years, which I realize is not the same as your situation, but I mention it because it was a "sure" thing that turned out horribly. My big problem was the city and feeling cut adrift and sort of meaningless, which I gathered was something you're worried about. After I failed out of school and was back at my mom's for a while, I moved to Austin. It seems to comparable to Gent for you, close by but with a much more interesting lifestyle and a better atmosphere for a person wanting more out of life. If I had to give you advice, try to find somewhere more like Austin and less like Los Angeles. Somewhere that's not alienating enough to make you depressed but also big enough for you to get something new out of it. Like I said, it seems like nearby cities in Belgium and France would be perfect. It's difficult when you're just getting out on your own after having the security of a hometown, but it's been totally worth it for me. Do it.

Thanks guys!

I don't want London, I don't want Dublin, I hate the weather in every European city north of Paris. I have found a company in Madrid where they're looking for someone who is native Dutch, speaks fluent French and speaks either English or Spanish. I'm fluent in all 4. I might give it a go.

Dude, if you've got that many languages down the world is your oyster.

She'll be back 12th of May. I still love her to death. If I'd move to Gent, I'd be closer to her home than where I live now. If I move abroad, that's another situation of course. We'll see when she gets back.

I used those as examples only.

i've lived in nine different US states all over so i can understand the wanderlust thing. i recently moved away from my parents in LA cross-country to florida, and i had the initial regrets but its turning out pretty well.

the trick is walking the line between being too picky and living where you want to live and finding some place somewhere in the middle.

I know, i know. No problem. I was thinking about you & Darcy (among others) when I posted my original post. I know you made the step from Aussie land to Eire land.