I work at a Human-Resources IT solutions company based in Buenos Aires. I had a training scheduled this morning with a client of ours in London at 8AM EST-- 9AM Argentina time.

There are a few things that are important to understand. In order for me to be lucid and prepared enough to give a WebEx training session at 9 in the morning, I need to wake up at around 6:30. This is because I'm an incredibly slow person in the mornings-- even the simplest tasks take me forever. It's strange because I remember being such a morning person when I was a little kid. No longer the case.

So I wake up at 6:30-- my Super Mario theme song alarm rings out. I grab the cell phone with the intention to wake up and start my day, but instead I cradle it in my arms like a lover and fall back to sleep. I have a bizarre dream in which I suddenly decide I want to become a firefighter, so I go to firefighting school. But before that I have a going-away party at my school where my classmates rip off their arms and give them to me as a send-off, which I found sweet and horrifying at the same time in the dream.

I wake up and realize with horror that it's now 7:55. I take the quickest shower I've ever taken, get all my stuff ready and leave my apartment building. Instead of doing what would be the sensible thing and grabbing a taxi, I jump in the 152 bus with my music on (Diana Krall's rendition of "Departure Bay", not a good choice for somebody who wants to get somewhere fast). In the bus, I think about how I'm going to approach this-- I'm going to just set up a quick WebEx session and wing it. I'm not going to do any preparation for this. This client is pretty tech-savvy anyway. She's been using the system for a while. It's just going to be her asking me some questions and that's it. I can handle this.

The client is gorgeous. Granted, all I have to go by is a 100pixels wide Facebook profile picture, but she's stunning. She's got two of my favorite things in a girl: an English accent and green eyes. Of course this means I've always been a nervous dork whenever I've interacted with her. I want to impress her with my awesomeness today.

The bus drops me off and I still have four blocks to go on foot. I look at my cell phone clock. It's 8:55. But really that means it's about 8:48 'cause my cell phone's time is a little off. That's fine. I speed down Fitz-Roy street and take a left on Guatemala. I can see the office. There are people outside. I'm gonna make it. It's onl-- wait, why are there people outside? Are they waiting for me? What's up?

My coworker Galo who looks like a hobbit and has cats who wrestle tells me that the guy who usually opens the office up in the morning hasn't arrived. FUCK. FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK.

I tell myself to simmer down. Sure, this sucks. I'm going to be late for our training session. But this isn't my fault. Even if I had gotten up at 6:30 as originally planned and didn't have to race through Buenos Aires but instead gone at my usual, lethargic pace, this would've happened. In fact, it makes for a great way to open the conversation. "Sorry I'm a little late but you wouldn't believe what happened!". And I'd tell my beautiful green-eyed UK client the story of how we were locked outside of the office. Ha, ha, ha, she'd say. What a charming anecdote. What a hilarious turn of events! She'd laugh and say oh Jorge, you're so charming. And hey, I'm going to Buenos Aires next week, maybe we can meet up in some restaurant in Puerto Madero and have dinner and laugh and walk together in the moonlight, arm in arm, discussing the meaning of life and then staring into each other's eyes and saying how weird and wonderful it is that two strangers from such different places met up in this wonderful city and hey, remember that day when you were locked outside of the office and was late to our training session?-- and then share a passionate kiss.

Or! She could say "No, Jorge. This is shameful. I was here waiting all morning. This is fucking ridiculous. You call youself a professional? You are an ugly idiot. Not only am I canceling my use of the service, I am calling the company's CEO and telling him what a pathetic piece of shit he has working for him. You are a disgrace, Jorge. I would never kiss you. Never!"

9:20 AM now. The guy arrives. He apologizes for being late. Opens the door for us. I rush upstairs, turn my computer on, open my lovely client's e-mail where she asks me if I'm available at 9 AM on monday June 8th for a training session. I click "reply" and tell her I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE I'VE HAD A CRAZY MORNING-- CAN I CALL YOU? And then just as I'm about to hit "Send", I see it.


Monday June 8th
Monday June 8th
Monday June 8th
Monday June 8th
Monday June 8th

Man, the bolded part is gold. I love you.

Is this worth reading? Can we get a poll?

yes, definitely...but read it very fast

I decided to read it. It was a good read. I'd say 7.6/10. Certain parts could have been left out. Also, Jorge could have fabricated some other parts to make it even better.

how many of your stories are fabricated?

But this is a forum based on trust

i read it. and im a lazy mother fucker. good stuff!

hahaha I feel for you bro, I've had many days like this.

I actually have sex 4-5 times a week, with supermodels.

That was adorable.

Makes a change for someone to actually like something about the English.

I English girls. The only other girl I've said "I love you" to and meant it (apart from my now-ex) was born in Southport.

I went out on a date with this English girl and it went really well but then that hot redhead Texan chick banged on the first date and I never called back the English chick. Still feel kind of bad about that.

Well that redhead was pretty hot.

This is the greatest post in history.

10/10

Yeah and the brit was too thin, but she did have a lovely accent.

Great post, btw. I do the same thing when I'm really hungover (acknowledge my alarm and fall back asleep) and I always end up a half-hour late to work at least.

I doubt anyone is surprised.

We just may be soulmates.


LOL. I do shit like that all of the time.


And my eyes do happen to be green. Rrrowl.