Post subject: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:09 pm
Coast to Coast
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:21 am Posts: 23078 Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Gender: Male
The other day I had to go to the Immigration office here in Buenos Aires to pick up some papers I had to renew. I was told to be there at 6:00 AM, which meant waking up at 4:30. For some reason, whenever I have to get up early, I get really nervous and can't really go to bed at an appropriate time, so I ended up wasting time online until about 1:30 AM, so I only slept for three hours. Add to this the fact that I was already sleep-deprived because I've been extremely busy with work and school... well, it was difficult to get me out of bed. But I managed to do it, and ended up arriving there at 5:30 AM, feeling extremely proud of myself.
Except, turns out the place opens at 7:30 AM.
At this point I'm like, "well, fuck it, I'll just wait outside" and I put on my headphones (yeah, I know) and stand on the street outside the door with 5 very scruffy-looking Peruvian gentlemen. It's still dark out and really chilly, and after a while it starts to rain. I'm there for two hours listening to this terrible fucking Kevin Smith podcast about him eating his wife's ass and the line is getting longer and I'm surrounded by Peruvians and everybody's looking at me funny 'cause I'm this fair-skinned giant who's dressed nice and wearing headphones and is constantly nodding off and--
After two hours of waiting out in the cold and the rain, the place opens up and the girl at the counter is this GORGEOUS chick whose arms are completely covered in tattoos. I'm not much of a fan of tattoos but that girl was extremely hot and the look just worked for her. At this point I'm barely awake. I'm in this otherworldly kind of plane of existence where things don't really make a lot of sense but there's still a cognizant part of me that's kind of steering the wheel, so to speak. I walk up to the counter, sleepily say hello and give her my ID so she can find my stuff. While she's printing something out, I'm groggily trying to turn on the Jorge charm (if I ever had any) but it's just not coming on. But I feel this enormous pressure to say something and I think at this point she's realized I'm staring at her and so I go "... I like your tattoos".
She looks up at me and goes, "thanks!". But that can't be all, right? I feel pressure to follow it up with something. And so I look at one of her tattoos that's called my attention-- it is a tattoo of a cat playing a drum-- and I go, "is that a tattoo of a cat playing a drum?". And she goes "yup". And I'm still groggy and half awake and I look down and I realize she's already got my papers ready and she's handing them over to me and now the pressure is REALLY on to say something at least halfway clever and all I keep thinking is how I just spent 90 minutes listening to Kevin Smith rambling about eating his wife's ass and I feel like enough time has passed that I'm standing here in silence and she's handing me my papers and I REALLY SHOULD SAY SOMETHING BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW AND
and I go, "... I like cats that are talented."
She smiles politely. I clear my throat. Grab my papers and quietly walk away, more embarrassed than I have ever been. I still have no clue what the fuck that was supposed to mean, and I wonder if that girl knows that I'm as perplexed by that comment as she was.
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Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:18 pm
AnalLog
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:40 am Posts: 25451 Location: 111 Archer Ave.
I can relate to this story.
Today I didn't feel up to cooking lunch, but I wanted something healthy and not filled with trans fats, so driving through Arby's or Wendy's was out of the question. I decided to see what they had over at Whole Foods. I quickly put on a T-shirt that happened to be my bright orange monkey/man Pearl Jam tee from the '00 tour and left to find some spring rolls or something.
As I was in line to pay for my food, the cute as hell hippie girl complimented me on my shirt. She asked if I'd seen them recently, and I said "no" and fumbled through words as I needless tried to explain about how they don't tour the south anymore. Then I asked, "have you ever seen them?"
I get the feeling that she was just trying to be friendly and I felt weird as I left.
Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:19 pm
Coast to Coast
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:21 am Posts: 23078 Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Gender: Male
EllisEamos wrote:
theplatypus wrote:
EllisEamos wrote:
tl; dr
Thanks. Now that that's out of the way, please read and comment on my post.
what difference does it make? she wasn't into you and its not like you'll go back if i give you what i would have said...
soooo.....
there, i read it & commented.
Well, also I have a girlfriend. It's not about trying to pick her up or anything. It's more about being appalled by the ridiculousness of that one line. That terrible and nonsensical line.
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Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:29 pm
a joke
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 3:08 am Posts: 22978 Gender: Male
first of all... I like cats that are talented made me laugh throughout the day.
2nd, i was at the store i frequent for assorted food stuffs, and they had a new cashier girl. I tend not to flirt at all given im you know, married, old and have kids. So im pretty oblivious to it in both directions.
Out of the blue, she randomly busts out the "hows the weather up there" i thought she said "out there" so i responded with a "a little chilly, but not too bad" She said.. "Not out there, UP there." my witty response? in a some what agitated tone.. "The same as it is down there" her "oh. You're like a foot taller than me" me "yah!" her "well have a nice day" me" you too" I think i recovered from the inadvertant, slightly agitated tone, and salvaged the conversation to at least being cordial, albeit totally devoid of wit.
i told this wife this story, and apparently this girl may have been flirting. Whoops!
Last edited by Skitch Patterson on Sun May 09, 2010 11:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:30 pm
Coast to Coast
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:21 am Posts: 23078 Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Gender: Male
washing machine wrote:
I can relate to this story.
Today I didn't feel up to cooking lunch, but I wanted something healthy and not filled with trans fats, so driving through Arby's or Wendy's was out of the question. I decided to see what they had over at Whole Foods. I quickly put on a T-shirt that happened to be my bright orange monkey/man Pearl Jam tee from the '00 tour and left to find some spring rolls or something.
As I was in line to pay for my food, the cute as hell hippie girl complimented me on my shirt. She asked if I'd seen them recently, and I said "no" and fumbled through words as I needless tried to explain about how they don't tour the south anymore. Then I asked, "have you ever seen them?"
I get the feeling that she was just trying to be friendly and I felt weird as I left.
Was she taken aback?
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Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:32 pm
AnalLog
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:40 am Posts: 25451 Location: 111 Archer Ave.
theplatypus wrote:
washing machine wrote:
I can relate to this story.
Today I didn't feel up to cooking lunch, but I wanted something healthy and not filled with trans fats, so driving through Arby's or Wendy's was out of the question. I decided to see what they had over at Whole Foods. I quickly put on a T-shirt that happened to be my bright orange monkey/man Pearl Jam tee from the '00 tour and left to find some spring rolls or something.
As I was in line to pay for my food, the cute as hell hippie girl complimented me on my shirt. She asked if I'd seen them recently, and I said "no" and fumbled through words as I needless tried to explain about how they don't tour the south anymore. Then I asked, "have you ever seen them?"
I get the feeling that she was just trying to be friendly and I felt weird as I left.
Was she taken aback?
No, I just always have a voice in my head when I speak to strangers that says "Reid, you're rambling."
Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:35 pm
Yeah Yeah Yeah
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:44 am Posts: 3539 Location: England Gender: Female
theplatypus wrote:
EllisEamos wrote:
theplatypus wrote:
EllisEamos wrote:
tl; dr
Thanks. Now that that's out of the way, please read and comment on my post.
what difference does it make? she wasn't into you and its not like you'll go back if i give you what i would have said...
soooo.....
there, i read it & commented.
Well, also I have a girlfriend. It's not about trying to pick her up or anything. It's more about being appalled by the ridiculousness of that one line. That terrible and nonsensical line.
Jorge! You're losing it!
Some stranger guy was talking to about my ramones sweater the other day. He saw them back in their day.... And all i could say was 'i haven't seen them. I'm still young, you know'? I'm not even joking.
Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:40 pm
Coast to Coast
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:21 am Posts: 23078 Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Gender: Male
Fortuna69 wrote:
Jorge! You're losing it!
Some stranger guy was talking to about my ramones sweater the other day. He saw them back in their day.... And all i could say was 'i haven't seen them. I'm still young, you know'? I'm not even joking.
Oh Kelly.
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Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:48 pm
Coast to Coast
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:21 am Posts: 23078 Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Gender: Male
Honestly, when people do the whole "you're tall" bit I get annoyed. I know I'm tall. You're not really telling me anything I don't already know. You know? I feel like the chick at the counter probably deserved the agitated tone.
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Post subject: Re: Stupid shit you say when you're trying to be witty
Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 11:49 pm
a joke
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 3:08 am Posts: 22978 Gender: Male
theplatypus wrote:
Honestly, when people do the whole "you're tall" bit I get annoyed. I know I'm tall. You're not really telling me anything I don't already know. You know? I feel like the chick at the counter probably deserved the agitated tone.
if she wasnt cute and apparently flirting, she would have deserved it.
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