Hi ***,

So, XXX came over earlier tonight and wanted something to do... Beer was in our minds and so he went and got some and we played ping pong in my garage and drank beer and listened to some music for the last 4 hours or so... I feel good right now, being a little drunk, yeah, but mostly spiritually uplifted by the stark, honest conversations we had about auras, what we believe happens after death, and girls we've had experiences and relationships with and...

Of course, I've been thinking about you and what you and I went through together recently. It seems we may have pushed things to have happened too fast. But then again, I don't know. After all, what I might have learned most about our conversations together: who knows anything at all about anything at all, really? What words carry any weight at all and when do they really count or make any sense? I was in a deep state of confusion and/or depression before and after getting out of your car Tuesday night. I can feel myself now finally getting my head out of those muddy waters.

I suppose what I'm concerned about, why I'm writing this now to you is: I am afraid I may have said something that might have represented myself in a way, at one point or another, that makes you think of me in a distored way because of what may be a billion different reasons, but probably because I simply wasn't myself when I said them.. whoever myself may have actually been..?.. After all, maybe that was who I was when I said those things or acted that way, but I may not be that person now, or may not have been that person the day or even moments before I said them... ?????

It's just that I think we were taking things too far too fast and I hate to think any relationship we could have or might have had may be ruined because of 'haste' or some other immature 'reaction' of sorts. Please reconsider spending more time with me again sometime relatively soon because no matter how you might feel about me right now, I genuinely feel the same about you as I did in high school, which is to say 'hope', 'longing', ... I'm really not sure what that other, way more potent, urgent thing is... it's something I feel when seeing/thinking about your face, and I feel weird about telling you because it's almost indescribable, so I'll keep it as simple as I can: your face, your mannerisms seem to make sense to me somehow, biologically? I don't know what it is. I SIMPLY feel a connection to your ESSENCE, believe it or not, ... If not with more potential regret, I'd rather not die having our relationship ended this way.

Have you considered the lily?

What's 'the lily'?

Oh, Katrina...