First thing tomorrow, I'm going to punch Lenny in the back of the head.

I say this to my friends everytime I'm about to host a barbecue.

albert brooks in 'the heartbroke kid' is the funniest episode i have ever seen. i put it up against any other. even his hank scorpio.

yesterday i spit my drink when the guy in the educational movie about zinc pulled up the gun and it wouldn't fire.

Chief Wiggum: All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is *not* something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.
Man: [screaming] Forget about the badge! When do we get the freakin' guns?
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I told you, you don't get your gun until you tell me your name.
Man: I've have it up to here with your "rules"!
[leaves]

Whatever the episode is where Bachman Turner Overdrive play a show, and Homer goes and berates them about "no new crap, just Takin Care of Business, right now"

They start the song only to have Homer further berate them "skip to the 'workin' overtime' part!"

always makes me laugh, stunned it's not on Youtube anywhere

Commandant: Atten-hut! Gentlemen, we now have a girl cadet among our
ranks, so we're going to have to make a few changes.
First of all, Franklin, you are no longer the girliest
cadet here.
Franklin: [effeminate] Well, we'll see about that.
Commandant: Second, this is now the girls' barracks, so pack your
things, you're moving in with Company L.
Cadet Leader: Company L? But they smell!
Commandant: [quietly] Yes, we've all heard the chant.

I love in the Kamp Krusty episode when Kent Brockman is announcing that he has been granted an exclusive with the leader of the renegade campers and Homer is watching on TV and we hear him thinking "don't be the boy...don't be the boy...don't be the boy".

Spare me your euphemisms.

You promised you wouldn't make a scene!

I caught about 10 minutes of the one where they go to London last night, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I laughed at in those 10 minutes. For a 2003 episode, it has to be one of the better latter era ones.

Off a tall building, that's a great way to do it!

I think they cut this out of this episode -- I haven't seen it there in ages, but it's one of my favorite scenes in the Knoxville World's Fair episode:

Yeah that's a great one.