As the band approaches 20 I must come to grips with the fact that I've been a fan for just as long. Big anniversaries are a time to celebrate but also to wonder what the hell happened with such a large chunk of your life. I was a sophomore at the UDub in Seattle when I first heard of Pearl Jam. They were the corporate sell outs you were supposed to hate and Eddie Vedder was an interloper from California. I heard the song Alive and I was confused. I liked it. It's funny to think about what mattered then in alternative nation Seattle and what matters now a long time after that scene and that phase of life has passed by.

Anyhow, I got to thinking about how being a fan of PJ has been like being in a long relationship. Like a marriage. Harhar. I was passionate at first, then passionate and maybe looking around to see if there was anything else out there. Then I lost the passion. Mid-relationship crisis? Then I settled in for the long haul. Then I realized how to appreciate what is there when you don't have the excitement of something new and fresh and an appreciation for taking a long journey together.

What's funny is I "picked" Pearl Jam (if that's the right word) because I sensed they wouldn't let me down. I felt they'd continue to grow as artists and that they were serious about making music for a long time. Kind of like how you pick a partner. I should stop here and say that I have been and am passionate about other music. I love the Beatles. I love Sufjan Stevens. I love Radiohead. PJ Harvey. Whatever Jack White is up to. It's not just Pearl Jam. But it is also Pearl Jam.

There have been a lot of highs over the years and as we settle in for a great year: EV solo record, tour and DVD, PJ 20 concert and movie, and hopefully a new album I decided to look back at my own memory bank of high points. These were the moments that reconfirmed my passion for the band that has been so consistent and faithful to me (by making great music and not breaking up):

1. Number one on the list and maybe number one all time would be the live radio broadcast from Atlanta where I (and I imagine most of us) heard the song about "the bastard who married my momma" for the first time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QdRJwSTRn8

2. Jumping back to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIgfYVq5Y5A

We were waiting, waiting for the next album. And this was like a happening. I remember it being a huge deal. The center of the musical universe was Seattle. Nirvana played that night. Eddie looked puffy and unhinged. So good.

3. After college I worked in a bookstore. A coworker was a huge fan and got her hands on No Code early somehow. She made me a tape. (Remember those!) I put my headphones on and started shelving. The first song was Sometimes: "Like a book amongst the many on the shelf". I was going through an existential phase of life. The album dovetailed nicely.

4. PJ opened for the Stones at the Oakland Coliseum and I heard Given to Fly and Do The Evolution for the first time in a huge crowd of mostly ambivalent Stones fans. Pearl Jam sounded fresh next to the undead Stones:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY5dqJJfurg

5. Ed put on the Bush mask and said fuck you to the US government:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nhyhlzLwIw

Ed and the band received a heap of backlash for speaking out against Bush Co. Vocal dissidence in music used to be a social movement. Now it's a career ender. It was one small reminder about what is wrong with our culture.

6. Pearl Jam does the Who. This one blew my doors off:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjB1r77JljM

That's off the top of my head. I could go on but I'll close the scrap book for now.

2011 Summer Festival.

The most significant thing for me was the Live at the Gorge box set. I'd been off PJ since the '03 tour, bought S/T and enjoyed it well enough, but something about that set just reminded me how much fun it was to keep up with all the minutiae of this band. Summer '07, which I spent catching up with the '06 boots as well as downloading a bunch of others (this was really the first time I'd had computer capacity to use the internet to acquire music), was one of the most enjoyable periods in my relationship with the band's music. Now I'm probably bigger into PJ than I've ever been.

I got into them from MTV and stuff, bought the albums and loved them, but I didn't really turn into a crazy fan until I saw them live in 1998 and started trading shows with people on alt.music.pearl-jam. The bootleg trading really made me listen to them so much since I could hear shows with Dave and Jack that I missed when they were in the band, well they never came through with Jack. Then they put out 2 albums that while I thought were OK I didn't really love. But seeing them live on those tours really kept me going as a fan of the band. Then they came through in 04 on the Vote for Change tour and while I was as anti-Bush as anyone I realized I didn't want to pay that much for 3 hours of people telling me how to vote so I skipped the show. Mostly at this point I was listening to other music, still a lot of PJ but not as non stop as the decade before that. I liked the 06 album but they skipped St. Louis on the tour and I didn't even think of traveling to a show at the time. Then after the elections at a time I want someone like Ed to talk about how little has changed he has nothing to say anymore and they put out a poppy album that I find to be mediocre. So I'm wondering if I'm done with this band compared to how rabid I was in the past but they come through on the 2010 tour and I go. Well that show was wonderful and really reconfirmed my love for the band live, even if I don't love the new music like I do the Yield and earlier stuff.

So I guess every time I drifted off I'd catch them live again and be pulled right back in.

big wave

Confirmed my passion:
Ten - the videos for Even Flow and Alive. I understood the passion and energy.
Vitalogy - the passion and energy

Confused my passion:
No Code - what happened to the energy
lack of substantial touring and substandard venues played

Reconfirmed my passion:
Yield - mainstream rock but done so well
Bootleg series - finally captruing the band at what it does best

Confused my passion:
Binaural - That was a big step sideways and not aligned with my life
No real Vancouver show that tour

Reconfirmed my passion:
Seeing them live in 2003
Benaroya concert
Seeing Ed at first Flight To Mars benefit show

Confused my passion:
Backspacer
Seeing them live in 2009

what was different from 2003?

Backspacer, me. It just didn't connect with me. It felt more like live karaoke featuring Pearl Jam songs. As I said, it was probably just me and the hangover feeling of being massively let down by Backspacer.

First Pearl Jam song I ever liked was Black, the version on Rearviewmirror. My dad had me listen to it in his car. I had heard what later turned out to be Jeremy and Light Years on the radio loooong ago, but I never liked them or knew who they were by. He also played Elderly Woman but I wasn't too fond of it at the time.

Next time I was at my uncle's house, he played Black on the electric guitar, and then played Release, which I instantly loved. I was so mesmerized by the line "I'll ride the wave... where it takes me..."

I'll never forget the first time I heard Jeremy, and by hear it, I mean actually know who it's by, and really listen. I had never listened to anything but Bruce Springsteen and Metallica before PJ, and I'd never heard anything like Jeremy. So intense. It just shakes every inch of you. And the video... I think the weekend I first heard that song, I listened to it, no joke, at least 100 times.

I got into a few more songs by them, Alive... Once... but I wasn't really hooked until one of my friend showed me 2 songs from No Code, which I just freaking drooled over... Off He Goes and Who You Are. Then I heard Even Flow and loved that, too.


Then I heard Given to Fly. And wow... the fact that something of that caliber can be written, not to mention put against such an amazing instrumental, and sung in such a heartfelt tone, like Eddie's... I literally think that song changed the way I look at life. I'm only slightly ashamed to say it's brought me to tears. It's just so amazing.

Thumbing My Way and I Am Mine helped me through the time of my life when I have been at my darkest.

Oceans was the first song I listened to after my great-grandma died. Come Back and Other Side both were on my mind a lot then.

I'm pretty sure I'm a Pearl Jam fan for life. They make ya feel good when you're feeling bad, and when you're down, they make ya feel okay with being down. It's amazing. Imagine being able to change peoples' lives like that?... What a feeling it must be.

Fewer feline resemblances in '09, evidently.

i remember SVT really getting me fired up

bonnaroo

Getting a haircut on stage.

Boston 2010

this post was marinaded in VHS-era glory

I was kinda off PJ after No Code came out and wasn't really following the band anymore. Didn't have much hope for the band.

Then, I heard Given To Fly on the radio. Blew me away. I dove back in.

i was done with them after RA. but when ST came out, even though it mostly sucked, it got me back into hearing their old albums, and giving RA another chance.

All but gave up on them when I heard S/T..then saw them 3 times on that tour and I was all in love again

it's always the live shows bring me back.