i am a high school teacher. my classroom and one of boys' bathrooms in the building share a wall. today between 4th and 5th period, 2 seniors stood outside my door, laughing, and called me over. they told me i had to check out the far stall in the bathroom. we had a kid in school last year who was a smearer. his work wasn't funny. anyway, i just asked, "do i need to lock the door and call the custodians?" one replied, "no, no, no. it's just that, the biggest turd ever is in that toilet." the other added, "it's unreal." i'm close to 35. part of me was dying to see this thing, but the professional i'm supposed to be just laughed and told the boys to get to class. as i was greeting my 5th hour kids and taking role, the two seniors walked past my room with 4 or 5 other guys. i could hear the muffled laughter. when they filed back in the other direction, they were all smiling and one held up his camera phone triumphantly. i kind of lost it. what i mean is, i couldn't stop laughing. i used to be that kid. obviously, i didn't have a camera phone, but i would have done that. well, when another horde of boys already laughing in anticipation went past my room and in, i had to bust up the party. i went in and told them they all needed to get to class and that i was locking the door. they insisted i see it. i declined. as they rounded the corner and i fiddled with my key, i headed for the stall.

my expectation was that i would see an impressively long shit that poked well out of the water at one end and disappeared down the rabbit hole at the other. i've been there a couple times in my life, and i've always found it worth noting, at least to myself. when i finally looked into the toilet, i saw that i was all wrong. it wasn't about length; it was about girth. and holy shit, if you can a imagine a chipotle burrito, it's still not enough. it was in there not because the offender didn't flush, but because the hole would not accommodate. it wasn't some soft shit either. it was brick solid. a john wayne shit. i can see it clearly in my mind as i type this. what i cannot do is comprehend the human anus that expanded to allow this. and this was not the anus of a 70 year old man. this anus belonged to some poor bastard between the ages of 14 and 18. whoever that kid is, he will almost certainly remember the events of his life as having happened either before this shit or after. not five minutes later, the custodian walked by my room with a large metal rod, which i supposed contained some snake apparatus. for the next two minutes, i could hardly teach over the sound of pounding on the other side of the wall. when he came out, he stopped in my room and said, "will you do me a favor and put up a sign on the door that says, 'bathroom is closed for the rest of the day'?"

i don't know any of you, but i wish you were all there. i feel like i've seen bigfoot, and there are other witnesses, but they're all the wrong kind, and everyone i tell will be skeptical and think i've only seen a bear on its hind legs.

wtl; dfr

Welp.

This was a nice little story, but I do think a more liberal use of paragraph breaks would've made it more enticing to read.

Fuck you plat, stop encouraging laziness.

This was a fantastic story, and it took me back to the Quint years of GD.

Someone in that school could be dying. Are school officials investigating this incident at all?

Weird. 20 years ago, this same exact thing happend at my high school. It was quite a spectacle.

you should really ask the senior who took the picture to send it to you so you can post it in GD.

Well said. I hate internet writers who think a sentence is a paragraph.

hahaha that's gold

this is the kind of attitude that killed GD

Come on guys. Jorge's right. I've taken the liberty to edit the header, and it's a little easier to read in chunks:

Seriously, what the fuck are you on?

the internet.

definitely would rather read it as initially posted

pretentious pricks are pretentious

I think poo stories are great. And that is a good one. Cheers.