Haha this is from something on the Rennes Le Chateau mystery that someone wrote, it's hilarious and thought provoking:

"I promised myself and others that I would never ever type this information for anyone to see but after recent world events I have changed my mind. The RLC mystery is an amazing journey which I endeavoured to take years ago and after many years of soul searching finally worked the whole thing out. Take a deep breath and keep your mind open. The whole mystery starts with King Solomon. King Solomon discovered a secret so incredible and unbelievable you could be on this planet a thousand years and not discover it as Mr Flamel puts it. They discovered a substance in the east that transmuted the base metals into gold. Not only did it do that it could cure any disease and prolong a man’s life many years. This substance is a purely natural substance and it cannot be made. Alchemists for thousands of years have tried to produce such a substance because people like Flamel kidded them into thinking it was man made. The family of the line of David kept the secret for hundreds and hundreds of years only using the Elixir when they thought it necessary because it would destroy the world with over population and destroy the economy of the world (gold). Then one day a member of the family decided that he was going to use the Elixir for his own devices and pleasures. This person was Jesus and much to the disgust of his family went on a very public exercise of healing people and turning himself into a God like figure. Much of what is read in the bible is true concerning the crucifixion except Jesus didn’t die he went to the south of France and began a whole new era. The church have known all along about what he did and in the 12th or 13th century sent a group of mercenaries to stop him. When I say stop him I mean stop him because he was still alive. They did eventually kill him and that is what the Turin shroud is all about. The ancestors of Jesus some of which escaped from then on went underground. They lived in caves in the south of France for another thousand years and are still in there now to this day. Anyone who discovers the truth will either be killed or if they are of the right kind initiated and become part of the family. Flamel became part of the family because he discovered the secret but what he also did was to cover his tracks by saying the Elixir was man made. If you take the plunge and take the Elixir then there is no turning back. First all your teeth fall out and your hair then you become very ill for a while. After several weeks all your teeth and hair come back and so does your health and you are born again. Hence the use of the Phoenix in several references. Jesus lived for over a thousand years and so did a lot of his family but Rome eventually killed him. The place where they all live is called New Jerusalem and it is under Bugarach Mountain.
There are many things which we do not understand in this world and the Elixir is one of them. The one thing that it does is to purify all living DNA structures to their utmost perfection. It was initially created on this planet to spark the very first life forms by creating amino acid structures combining them with carbons and creating life. Scientists have found it to be the oldest form of crystalline structure ever discovered on the planet and it has been located in the very first forming rocks of the earth’s beginnings. It contains Uranium and burns with the colours of the rainbow under a temperature of 1400 degrees C. It’s the Uranium that makes the hair and teeth fail out when it is taken. When applied to melted lead at above 1400 degrees C the Uranium is forced out and an incredible reaction takes place. The radio waves that the Uranium give off totally reprogram the atomic nucleus structures and it changes its atomic number into that of Gold. It also changes several different base metals into the next metallic element which nature has planned for it. The Elixir comes in the form of a red crystal found in many countries across the world but the one Jesus used was found in King Solomon’s mines in Soreq cave, Israel. The crystal has several different names in the bible and one in the scientific world .It’s name in the bible is Jacinth and it is known to scientists as Cyrtolite Zircon. Rome will be reading this post so write it down and scarper. The shit is about to hit the fan. Its out!!!!"

I think it's all true! every last word!

Hahahaha yeah, they can burn down Rennes now, mystery solved!

WTF?
Is this even in English?

it needs paragraphs.

Good stuff. This is known as complete paranoid conspiracy integration, and it was very nicely done.

Did you write that?

No, but I wish I did.

So, for us idiots that had a hard time reading ... the Roman government gave Jesus a drug that made him appear dead for 3 days only to be revived and die for real later?

Paragraphs are definitely called for!



don't tell the pope!

No, government has nothing to do with any of it. What this guy based his rantings on are (debatable) factoids about the life of Jesus that the Catholic church has hid. There is a lot of geometry in the temple of Solomon that people have tried (with *some* success) to Rennes Le Chateau. His "crystal" theory was obviously a knock off of the "fountain of youth" or a "side effect" of the holy grail, if you believe the grail is a physical thing. But it tends to make more sense that the "grail" is not a physical thing, and is rather a human element, be it the supposed royal bloodline of Christ or not. For anyone that has read the Rennes essay that Blair wrote that's up on Danny Carey's site you might remember something about the "true Eucharist" which gets really obscure and downright disturbing.