My grandma passed away in November and now my family is coping with my grandpa's reaction to losing his life mate/ best friend/ confidant. It's pretty clear now that grandma was the one that really held things together. She had her moments when we all thought, "WTF did she just say???? OMG...Did she really just SAY THAT???"


She had her pilot's license before she ever had her driver's license. She flipped a plane on the runway in the dead of a Minnesota winter 30 years before she ever drove the car through the back wall of the garage. She served in the Navy in WWII, she cooked, she cleaned, she rode me to school on the back of her bike (I got my foot caught in the spokes twice), she would pass me beer and cigarette money on the sly before I was even 'of age.' Her advice about neighbors was, "never open your curtains before you were done having your morning coffee."

"It's hell getting old."

"Don't you ever not speak your mind."

"Have you been smoking pot???" was the question she posed when she answered the door in the wee hours of the morning when you rolled in from your night life. She didn't give a shit about keeping up appearances at 2 am when your 17 year old friends dropped you off and might catch an embarrassing glimpse of your grandma; she was always wearing her bra and underwear and her hair was in rollers when she let you in the door at that time. She never gave you the house key because when she had to get up to let you in she KNEW you were home safe.

When your parents were full of shit she said so. She made no bones about it. "Oh bullshit" she said. It was the only time I ever heard her curse and she was right. It was bullshit!

As she was passing on I told her, "Grandma I love you." And she replied, "but love isn't enough is it?"

Sounds like she lived a fantastic life. Its great she touched you like she did.

Growing old does suck for sure but I guess if you can leave behind smiles and memories then you've done OK. I have a sneaking suspiscion that it still all boils down to "love and be loved" though.

You've made me think about some people that I miss (and that's not a bad thing at all). I wonder how I'll be rememberred?

And I hope that your Grandad gets along OK. I know that for some its no life living without your partner who was your life. Go well.

all 70+ year-olds i know are essentially variations of RM's patrick bateman

It does sound like your grandma had her act together,
and so it's no wonder why your grandpa may be feeling lost without her.

Thank you for sharing that, px.

it was very poignantly written--warm, humorous, and sad all at the same time.

Marion Irene Robinson. Thanks for the posts, friends.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

"But love isn't enough, is it," is the most absolutely brutal truth out there. You can look at the words all you want, you can even say them out loud, but you can't ever read it.

That was the last thing she said to me. I'll never forget it. At first I was annoyed, but the more I thought about it in terms of the distance between us the last 15 years it made tons of sense.

it's good you were there with her. i'll always regret not being there when both my grandparents passed away. last thing my grandma said to me was "see you when you get back". and grandpa "i'll miss you buddy". always drink heavily this time of year.

anyway, she sounded awesome. truly.

Growing up I probably spent more time with her than I did my mom. I'm just trying to let the grief wash over me right now. It's finally hitting me. It's a bittersweet sort of grief though because this is just life and I've been recalling a lot of fond memories of her.

I wasn't there. My family has a business here in Colorado and she was in California. I was left to work and my mom went to be with her. That was probably for the best because my grandpa doesn't do well with a lot of people around when he's emotional and my mom was best suited to handle his grief throughout the process.

She knew she was dying. She developed cancer and after she was given the diagnosis she didn't seem phased by it, which bothered grandpa. lol. He was freaking out and she was perfectly content. So my mom asked her how she felt about the cancer and she replied, "Well, I guess I'm doomed! I'm doomed!" She was poking fun at my uncle's reaction to being diagnosed with leukemia (he died from it). He was a negative sort of person and my grandma never was.

Another fond memory I have is when grandma took her dentures out at the kitchen table and scared the living day lights out of my little sister.

She reminds me an awful lot of my nanna (my mum's mum).
px, grief is normal; it'll pass. You'll always have a pang of sadness, but when you're tellin' stories of Grannie, there'll be a lotta laughter, too. That's about as much as you can ask for in life, isn't it?

Hey man.Thanks for sharing this.
When somebody like your granmma dies,it reminds me of what is important in life.Ive been going throw a period of my life where everything works perfect.And is like shit.I cant see what is essential and real.Death open my eyes.And the dead of this great old lady,opened my ones once again.Even if it is just for a while:Thanks bro.

Thank you for sharing. And she lives on in you. I hope you can all give your grandfather the needed support so he can learn to cope with this big loss.

groetjes,
Mirella

Thanks for the words of encouragement, all of you. Just a part of life. We're born, we live, we die. What matters is the in between.


I hope my grandpa lives to be 100 years old so Al Roker puts his bday photo on during the morning weather report.