"Aren't you going in to the other room?" she mumbles softly with a hint of depression.

"I want to be in here with you" Randy replies dumbly, spending one more sylable on "you" than it is necessary.

There's silence humming louder than the tv commercials can disguise

There are footsteps and then another's corresponding...

Sounds of clanking dishes and cleaning.

Smells of dinner ... She's preparing for her husband, Randy, who will predictably, without a doubt love whatever it is she chose to stuff his stomach with this evening and for her son, Jonathan, who can't fork over one more 'white' lie without falling to his knees, confessing his observations of whatever it is his mother appears to be doing wrong this evening.

Hey tree_

Modifiers and qualifiers are killers of dialogue:

"she mumbles softly with a hint of depression." -- she mumbles would be sufficient...

"Randy replies dumbly..." -- again leave out the adverb...

"The silence..." -- this is good...

i like the way i write

Well, it's your writing.

that isn't constructive critisism

that is bullshit

Well, call it what you want --it's not like I panned the piece or anything ...

Keep waiting for the subjects to tell you how great your clothes look, mighty emperor...

this doesn't happen often enough for me to say

but i don't like it now... that... you ... your way

Okay, that's fine. Don't be so hostile: hey, I took the time to read your piece and respond (w/ both positive and negative feedback)...

dude i'd be happy if he'd just confine his shite to the stickied random writing thread and stop starting new ones just for his stuff. You regulars in here know I'm rarely -- if ever -- combative in these threads, but i feel strongly about this.

fine.

hey tree_, don't let these people bother you, just because they don't appreciate what you write doesn't mean no one else does.
And who are they anyway? they are the same people who are happy talking about Survivor and Star Wars.

That tell you anything?

Love,
malice, who misses Release, and what it used to be like in that forum.

Yeah, I liked checking out the Release forum every now and then, too, and think that, if the demand is there, it should still be a part of the RM community in its own right...

But, then and now, I respond to stuff that I think has potential. When I take writing to a workshop, for example, what good is it if everyone says the same thing? Posters who are brave enough to display their creative writing here should also be brave enough to accept some criticism and appreciate that someone took the time to respond to their writing w/ something other than most of the inane and unhelpful comments that are tagged here most of the time...

And, malice, I don't think dumping on those who are interested in things like Survivor and Star Wars really matters here. That's not really fair...

In any case, what I think you are getting is just the thing that could be solved by having a Release-type forum. But I don't know if that's going to happen...

Where was I dumping on anyone? Stop making assumptions. I don't have a problem with them liking those forms of entertainment, I have a problem with them saying things like tree's poetry should be confined to one thread because they are bothered by him making a new thread. That's illogical, and honestly completely unfair, not to mention not a fair representation of what this particular forum was originally set up for. Read the forum title. See that word ART in it? What tree and a few other brave souls here put out when they make a new thread (which BTW is very rarely these days in this forum) that's The ART part. Like it don't like it, offer constructive critisism, I don't give a shit about that, and if I were tree, I'd read what you have to say and do whatever I want to do with my art regardless, because it's art, which is subjective, and can be good or bad, but still a valid form of expression. If he asks for commentary, cool, if he asks for differeing viewpoints, cool, but this -keep the poems in one thread crap- forget it, I'll not change my mind about it.
There will never be another Release forum here, and it's been 'discussed' numerous times in different formats, they don't want a forum for people to express themselves here freely without background noise from the television, and that's fine too, but it won't stop me from sticking up for the few people here who are willing to rise above that TV noise and say something.

Seems like a condescending attitude to me, but what do I know? They are just words on a screen...

Otherwise I agree w/ pretty much everything you said...

iago: stop with the that bugs the hell out of me. everything you say really isn't super cool.

mary, i love you.

tree_, i love this. honestly. normally, i'm not a fan of short prose pieces. but it really worked here. i don't think i'd like this piece nearly as much if it were longer. anyway, i've always liked your pieces. i just don't know that i've ever said anything before. please keep putting your pieces up.

I love how a constructive discussion brings out the ad hominem bashers. Well, I'm not above sinking to that level. Here's one for you lemon: your username is too long...

And, by the way



Construcitve criticism considered... and rejected...

(how can you argue, this time?)

And tree must be loving all of the amped publicity the piece is receiving now, considering how many times the thread's been bumped...

Mal,

i don't have anything against tree or his writing and didn't want to come off like i was dumping on him/her/whoever. I just don't think we need a new thread for every poem/writing. Have a tree thread or whatever. Those unwashed of us that love Star Wars have a thread for that and not a new one for every idea or rumour that comes along.

And no, i don't like his writing and I'm not afraid to say it. I don't think that's the issue though.