This is from a prior board I used to post on, and was one of my favorite threads of all time. In this thread, tell us a tale about the different kinds of "moves" your older cousins, dig dug daddies, or aunt's and uncle's used to put on you. I'll start...

Getting "the discount" at Uncle Brian's

I remember way back when, when i went to uncle brian's. Hank wasn't with me, but uncle brian gave me "the discount". He led me out back and told me to take my shirt off. He shaved his beard at the time and taped all the hair to my breasts. then he had me cut his grass while he went inside and talked to aunt angie about figures. when i was done, i was sweaty, and his face hair was tickling my titties. it started to really itch, so everything got red. since my nipples were starting to swell, that meant there had to be milk in there. so uncle brian squeezed my titty into a glass and then did it as a shot. i "got the discount", folks

somebody just PM me when PaperNapkinNotes posts in here

Ok

Everyone seem so shy to share. Don't be so nervous, huh?

"The Ward Shavver"

Get out a gallon of your favorite beverage and pour in half a teaspoon of long grain rice. Coax your favorite bearded relative (preferably male) to come over to your hut. When they show up, ask them if they'd like a glass of Ward Shavver. If they ask you what it is, tell them its an ol' Bobcha recipe. After you set the rice filled glass down in front of them, smack them in the face and force it down their throat. Then tell the joke about what an Ethiopian looks like with a piece of rice stuck in his throat.

This is some kooky and outrageous stuff.

The "Hang Tough, Nun"

Grab your favorite little cousin by the gunt and teach him a thing or two about Bob Shappel. Wag your finger in front of his face for effect. Don't worry, he'll grow out of it. Meanwhile, have your favorite older cousin whip up a batch of chuntey, preferably one of the fruit and vegetable variety. Force your little cousin to eat it with a wooden spoon and say "hey! vegetables and fruits don't go together...hey!" then smack him with a radish and pee on his mom

it's been needed for some time now plat, some time

But at what cost, Doug Railroad?

Hey fellas, save the chit chat for another thread and get back on topic...

The "Up Your Nosey, Fedegozie!"

When my brother and I were little, my father used to call my brother Ryan "Fedegozie". I remember the move he put on him to this day...called "Up your nosey, Fedegozie".

He'd take my brother and hold him upside down by the ankles over the sink. It would be my job to empty the refrigerator of as many "liquid" based products as possible and hand them to my dad. Pickle juice for instance. My dad would fill up a medicine dropper full of the said liquid and jam it into Fedegozie's nose, forcing him to take the liquid! Fedegozie would respond with a resounding gargle and some gagging, and then would spew forth an incredible amount of snot. After a few minutes of experimenting with different liquids, Fedegozie would be free to go.

To this day, we still talk about "Up your nosey, Fedegozie"!

The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards GD to be born?

The "Warm Coat"

This is when all of your cousins or brothers pee in a Members Only jacket. They make sure to soak the sleeves and the inner lining. Since its Members Only, its tough to see the peep soaked into the fabric. Then they have an "awards ceremony" for you being the "best cousin/brother". You graciously walk to the middle of the living room and they suit you up in the piss warm/wet Members Only jacket. You've just been...warm coated, pal.

"Forcing The Gudge"

Talk your little cousin Bib into bringing over his serrious sattelite radio set. When he arrives, trace his cheek slowly with a stalk of celery and then call Janet Phillips at the Alpha Pharmacy at 908-454-4362. When Janet answers, but Bib on the phone with her and make him get "professional." Janet will then invite Bib over to pick mint in her garden so she can make iced tea in tea stained yellow plastic jugs.

"Rubbing Cheapo's"

Get your fattest cousin to join you in singing "Glory to God in the highest, and peace, to his people on earth". During the verse (you sing of course), draw a bath for the big guy. As you continue to sing, the tub will fill. Place your big fat cousin in the rising tub until the water gets up to his shorts. As you break back into the chorus "Glory to God in the highest, and PEACE, to his people...on earth"!, make him run in place in his shorts. The wet shorts will start to rub against the inside of his thighs and it will start to become red and scathed. Break back into the verse, make him speed up, add some of that generic soap between his thighs to aid in the chafing. As you break back into the final chorus, bellow "GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST, AND PEACE...TO HIS PEOPLE ON EARTH"!...By this time, your big fat cousins' big fatboy thighs will be all chafed, and red, and swollen and agitated. The "Rubbing Cheapo's"

My aunt tried to get me stoned before a family gathering when I was 16. She's dead now.

Tried and failed?

Yeah, she had some really bad shwag.

Wasn't all weed shwag in 1965?

I feel gypped

Is that some kind of ageist humor? You very well know I wasn't alive in 1965 and there were very tough times for pot smokers during the Reagan years. I don't think it's something to poke fun at.