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 Post subject: Onion ReVamped
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:27 pm 
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What the Fuck? I don't like it!!

http://www.onion.com

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:28 pm 
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Oh, it's temporary schtick!

The Onion wrote:
Our 300th Anniversary, 1756-2056, June 22 - 29, 2056, Volume 92 Issue 25


:| I still don't like it.

The Onion wrote:
We need a fourth law of robotics: Stop fingering my wife.


OK, that was funny. :lol:

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"Though some may think there should be a separation between art/music and politics, it should be reinforced that art can be a form of nonviolent protest." - e.v.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:34 pm 
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I think it's pretty funny. And sadly, with the way things are, could be more on the money than we think.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:40 pm 
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Democratic Middle Eastern Union Votes to Invade the US
Above: A MEU meeting.

MECCA—The 14 democratic member nations of the Middle Eastern Union unanimously voted to declare war on the U.S. Monday, calling the North American country a "dangerous rogue state that must be contained."

"The United States of America has repeatedly violated international law and committed human-rights abuses at home and abroad," MEU President Mohamed Rajib said at a Monday security-council meeting. "MEU weapons inspectors have confirmed that the U.S. continues to pursue their illegal ununhexium-weapons program. Our attempts to bring about change through diplomatic means have repeatedly failed. Now, we are forced to take military action."

The MEU, formed in the wake of the 2042 Saudi Arabian revolution, is modeled on the Enlightenment ideal of the democratic republic and makes every attempt to avoid war even as it pursues an agenda of encouraging self-rule throughout the world. The decision to invade America marks the first military action of the MEU.

Rajib said that, unless the U.S. ends its "unlawful and tyrannical" occupation of northern Africa in seven days, the governments of Iraq, Iran, Jordan, and Muhammad Arabia will begin deploying aero-troops to international tropospace over America's Brand-New England region.

The U.S.'s occupation of 31 nations around the world and last month's vicious, unprompted military attack on Buenos Aires were two of the 41 examples of "unabated aggression" listed in the MEU's declaration of war.

"Today we send a strong and clear message to America," Syrian representative Rashid Qu'rama said. "Your arrogant, imperial, unilateral attitude will not prevail."

The MEU first imposed sanctions against the U.S. in February 2054, demanding that the country pull troops from Antarctica and put an end to its credit trading in the troubled Wilkes Land region.

Iraqi President Hamal Hamoodi said that MEU member nations held extensive public forums before its congress voted to declare war.

"When making such serious choices, we must remain true to the democratic ideals we wish to protect," Hamoodi said. "We have received a mandate from our people to address the U.S.'s threat to democratic society everywhere. The voice of the Arab people will ring out as a beacon of freedom and hope to the world."

Along with the declaration of war, the MEU sent a message to the American people.

"To the oppressed, silenced U.S. citizens—help is on the way," Rajib said. "Liberty is on the march. Be assured: At the end of a long tunnel shines the light of freedom."

According to Rajib, the MEU will provide extensive humanitarian and robotitarian aid to the citizens of the U.S., and has already begun moving stockpiles of breakfast, lunch, and dinner pills to the marijuana-producing regions of Mexico, Canada, and Quebec.

Mexico, Canada, and Quebec have stated they are sympathetic to the MEU's goals but must remain neutral for the protection of their own people. It is likely, however, that they will host many refugees, should the U.S. turn against its people.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:42 pm 
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i am scared, make it stop!


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 8:09 pm 
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I liked the piece about the Empire of Texas.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 8:15 pm 
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$úñ_DëV|L wrote:
I liked the piece about the Empire of Texas.


Rumsfield, Empire of Texas. That killed me.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 10:43 pm 
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SniffleBiscuit wrote:
I think it's pretty funny. And sadly, with the way things are, could be more on the money than we think.



yeah, it freaks out from time to time


"that's not funny, it's kinda true!!!"

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 Post subject: Re: Onion ReVamped
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 10:47 pm 
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B wrote:
What the Fuck? I don't like it!!

http://www.onion.com
I love how they tricked you.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:10 pm 
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Surgery required for new sexual position

ISLA LOS ANGELES—Plasmic surgeons at Cedar Sinai Medical Center are among the more than 100 doctors nationwide performing the surgery required to enjoy the sexual position "Feast Of Forty Fingers Supping Upon The Nine-Branched Lotus," as popularized by the Neo Sutra. "Attempting the Forty Fingers position without proper bio-augmentation could result in needless maiming, so please ask a doctor about the required procedures," said Dr. Joshua Mendelbaum of the Adaptive Procreative Therapy unit. "Home surgical kits and even sophisticated nanodoctor booths are no substitute for the care of a licensed sexual surgeon." Mendelbaum would not comment on the 30 percent ecstasy-induced-mortality rate among those who successfully achieve the position.

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