Marble rain

I took four bullets to my head
And I still remain the same
Our state of love cannot be changed
Fall to pieces my little flame

Everyone a different shade of grey
Everything so thoroughly exhausted

You see my temple filled with stones
Overgrown by viscous plants of violence
You see I’m dried up to my bones
While I’m drenched with your act of love

Everyone another drop of marble rain
Everything so nauseous

Everyone a different shade of grey
All blurred up while heaven’s bleeding marble rain
Everything so thoroughly exhausted
So nauseous

Pretty good, but because of how short they are, they'd fit:

(a) a 2 minute long song
(b) a 20 minute prog epic with 6 minutes between stanzas

It's a three minute song, actually. But a 20 minute prog epic is a nice idea, too.

Oh, and thanks a lot for giving an opinion. I think it's funny that there are so many people reading this and are not even able to write "Good" or "They suck" or "They leave me completely untouched".

really interesting!...I also thought there were pretty good...I´d like to hear it with the music

not particularly happy lyrics, but look to be well thought out...

I guess sooner or later I'll put that on here.

eh.

It seems awful generic. If I were reading the book of a new CD, I'd skip that song based on the lyrics. I mean, maybe if I heard it in context of the music, it might make more sense...but weak lyrics can kill a song for me (see Pilate). It reminds me of something that a band that was trying to be a Seether meets Three Doors Down might come up with.

It might also be because you switch up the rhyming scheme in the middle of the song...if you're going to rhyme, it reads easier and makes a better impression if you stick with the same scheme.

The line 'All blurred up while heaven's bleeding marble rain" has potential.

Sorry to not sing praises. I do the music thing too and I've rarely heard anyone say anything negative, even if they were thinking it. Sometimes, criticism is what helps us grow.

This is how I do lyrics...I write them, let them sit for a week. If I can go back after that week and still be into them...they are keepers. If I can't...they aren't.

Huh, huh


Skeet skeet skeet!!!!

First thing that came to mind.

They are alright. I think they're at the point where they could go either way depending on what the music is like. It's hit or miss.

I particularly like the use of the word "viscous." I'm not sure I've heard that in song before.

This song is about semen, right?

I think you're right on.

yeah, but is this meant to be viscous or vicious?

It's about killing someone in the moment he says he doesn't love you anymore. Drenched with your act of love... it's the blood running all over you after 4 bullets hit you. It is an act of love, a desperate act of twisted love. Of course, it is still open to what you'd like to see in it. The double meaning is tolerated.