"Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us."

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer.
You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share for a change.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
In fact your aggregate divorce rate is higher than gay couples.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up.

But we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's personal Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S.. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

In deciding your future domestic and foreign policy, you should know that 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent actually believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.



I hate to lose UGA but I guess it goes with the territory.

I'd Move.

i'm down for a civil war.

Already packing my bags....wait you mean this new country isn't real? Well,..thats just GREAT! Guess I can still have my sites set on my original destination and that is Ireland, after I spend a boat load of money on college, that is.

I thought they were going to change the name of that state to New New Mexico.

Or East Dakota

I think we've already been having one, since November 2000.

Can we give everything in California south of Bakersfield to the Red side too?

c-

I would be happy to leave Jesusland. It's humid as a bitch here, like I'm living in my own crotch.

Mexico de Norte!

*West

I stand corrected and I now feel the need to say that geography, along with many other aspects of life, are not my strong point. I am though, the beholder of a rather viscious forehand serve, in Mario Tennis...the greatest game ever.

...that was pretty intense.


And this is pretty awesome:

So the blue states have a problem with single mothers? I didn't realize what a horrible thing we are.

I wonder what the unwedded females giving birth rate statistic is, and if the blue states want rid of them too.

Tell you what, keep your fucking pineapples and rot in hell, dear pompous bitter fuckwad that wrote this.

The funny thing is, the Blue States are going to have better social services and a better immigration policy, so we'll probably take in your single mothers and give them the support they need to make their kids great students!!

Is that before or after jackasses like this writer are done insulting them (or us, as the case may be)?

You don't think maybe he included that because of the Right's staunch stance that children of single mothers are at a disadvantage in life?

I think he's a pompous ass and even if that's why he made such a crass remark, there is no excuse. Insulting people that end up is situations that often times are far beyond their control and generally are worse off for it is a great point for this guy?

Again, I hope he enjoys his pineapples and I hope someone shoves a case of them up his ass.