so i was constipated, a plight that dogs me every time i go on vacation, and i had an hour to burn in the bus terminal. i walked into the bathroom at the same time as this scotsman (after paying, of course - wtf?) and i pulled into stall 3. he went for stall 1. as soon as he got in he said, "ahhh, a bunch of fucking amateurs." he then carried on about "english cunts" and i smiled to myself as i sat there bare ass. after much ranting he laid this terrific fart and then said, "aahhh, that's good arse." unfortunately, i was in the middle of an o-ring blowing push and i fucking laughed. so then he started cursing me out like i'm some english cunt. i just quietly smiled and took it. then he farted again. he followed that up with this: "you've got no answer for that, do you?" if i could have shit myself, i would have.

in a related story, 20 minutes later i'm standing outside enjoying a smoke. the same guy came up and asked if i had a light. then, with joint hanging from his lips, he asked, "are you a polishman?" i replied, "no, i've never even been to poland." he goes, "no, a fucking po-leash-man." fucking awesome. i love scottish people.

the whole time i was reading your story i was seeing the pilot from the movie the rundown as this guy in the bathroom.

Good story. A+

hold on...did you get unconstipated?

a couple days later in ireland i had some success. now that i'm home, i'm back on schedule. it's weird.

good story

could've been worse....

I have the same issue every time I go away.

Foreign Toilet Syndrome is actually a very common ailment.

Oh? I thought it was my anxiety kicking in.

I thought this was going to be a real-life version of the Worst Toilet in Scotland scene from Trainspotting -- without the suppositories, right inglish?

I can poop anywhere!