*note to reader: not looking for advice, just venting*

It starts about 4 months ago...

Just started this new relationship with Mike. Funny guy, cute in a chubby baby bear cub sort of way, cuddly, and sweet blah blah blah. First few dates just going out, hanging out in his room watching girly movies and letting me teach him the ways of Pearl Jam.

So, one night, I'm supposed to head down to his place to go out to eat, and just as i'm leaving my apartment I get a text message from him. "Nalies, I'm starving." Whoa there, Nalies? What the fuck, or more appropriately whoe the fuck is that? So I text back. "Nalies?" 5 minutes late her calls me, "C'mon I havewn't eaten all day, let's go out." Clearly side-stepping the question. "Who's Nalies, Mike?" "Oh, I'll show you when you get here." So I get there, *hugs* "Hey where are we gonna eat?" "I dunno thought you were gonna show me this Nalies thing." "Oh, it's just an internet term, you know, like w00t." Poor kid, doesn't know that I used to be an internet GODDESS. Only net terms I never got were hamps and bunt, curtesy of Jeff. However, me being me, I HATE confrontation, so I leave it at that, since it's painfully clear this guy isn't cheating one me, cause I'm at his place every night, on his invitation, mind you.

So a few weeks alter, I wake up one morning. Mike's already at work, and I decided to check my e-mail on his computer. First thing I see when I wiggle the mouse to refesh the monitor is a My Documents directory titled "Nalies" and various other ones named similarly, all filled with pictures of some girl. So I text him. "Just like w00t, huh?". So he calls me back, saying, I didn't want to tell you I called you some other girls name cause I didn't wanna sound like a jerk, she's just a friend, blah blah blah" Uhhuh, didn't wanna sound like a jerk but now you're acting like one..... But, again, me being me, I leave it at that, cause I already knew that she was a friend of his, I heard him say her name while he was on Ventrilo playing CS. This was just proof.

So, I let it fester, cause this is actually bothering me, I can totally tell there's something he's not telling me. I mean c'mon I can read people pretty easily, and Mike's a horrible liar to boot. I mean seriously, "just like w00t" does he think i'm retarded? However, the guy has a point, how can he be hiding things from me if, 1- I'm always there and obviously am the only girl to grace that house in god knows how long and 2- I know every single password on his computer.

So, after that whole break in thing at his house, he stayed with me for a week to heal up and find a new place to live, and he gets a phone call, he explains what happened and all and then he says...."Oh, i'm at TSG". TSG being a lan center that he used to work at when he lived at the old house. Big question, why didn't he just say, oh, I'm with Julie at her apartment? His reasoning, "I wanted her to think I was in a safe place" "My apartment isn't safe? Wtf?" "In a place with the rest of the guys from the house." oh yeah....clearly being in a place with those guys is safe. I tell him that was a shitty answer and he tells me he's sorry, and wasn't really thinking about it. Clearly...

So, he heals up, I let this notion of him and her fester, he moves into his new place, and I decide i've thought too much about it, that I need to talk to him about it, cause it's not fair if I resent these things without telling him. So I bring up a late night conversation about previous relationships, you know, laying everything out on the table. So he tells me about his, he's had some crappy ones, I tell him about mine, I've had some really crappy ones too. So I ask him, out of the blue, "Did you ever have a crush on Donna?" (Donna being that girl's name) and he says, "I dunno, maybe at one point, but that was a long time ago." So now i'm happy, cause he's finally telling me shit, my god. Even if it's shit I don't really wanna hear, It's shit I need to know. So we end the conversation at that, casue it was like 3am.

So, after I get in my car accident, I'm at my parents house, and I'm talking to him on AIM, "Did you ever have a relationship with her?" and he tells me, "We tried before, but it wasn't even serious, it wouldn't have worked out, so we decided to jsut stay friends, and it's better that way." Sounds reasonable, I'm just glad that he finally admitted it, I mean christ, this wouldn't have been dragged out so long if he had just told me everything to being with.

Now, here's the recent part. I go to work one day, and am talking to my co-worker, Marlon. He's been having some troubles with his girlfriend. Turns out she's pissed off at him and they hadn't been dating for teh past week because of some incident where he was gonna pick her up from class but she alreayd left when he got there, so he jsut hung out with a friend of his who lived close to where he was when he was gonna pick her up. Although, this friend of his is a girl that he had though about having a relationship with before, but they decided to stay friends cause it wouldn't work othyerwise. Hmmm, sound familiar? Anyway, so I can see Marlon's side, cause I understand that the guy would NEVER in a million years cheat, but I can understand his girlfriend's side, cause I feel teh same way about Mike. So at the same time, Marlon's story gives me a little more faith in Mike, cause I do trust him, I jsut don't always believe what he says to me, and also it's fueling me curiousity and frustration that I still don't know the whole story about him and Donna. My god.

So today, Mike's downtown casue he's got a few job interviews, and I'm at home...(home being his apartment). So, i snoop, I'm a bad person, I know, definitely not something I enjoy doing. But I look at thier MSN conversation from a few days ago, casue it's set to auto log everything. and I see, "I'm going to a Pearl Jam concert in Sept." and she starts laughing, "yeah that's right, laugh it up, I was invitied." and she says, "Whoever invited you to a PJ concert is gay."................and all he can say is, "Be nice". So thus arises a new problem, does this girl even know about me? My intuition says no, cause why wouldn't he jsut say, "my girlfriend invited me, etc.."

So I text message him, cause i'm not sure if he's in an interview or not, and say, "Mike, we gotta talk, been doing a lot of thinking." He calls me, freaked out, cause no guys like conversations that start with those words. I know, I knew exactly what I was doing.... So we get into it, though I wanted to wait for him to come home so we could talk together, he didn't wanna wait cause I scared him. So i tell him everything, I don't think he's been completely honest with me, though I don't think he's been lying. I jsut think that he only tells me things that I need to know to keep me pacified but not the whole story unless I ask specifically about it. He thinks that I don't trust him and that I'm calling him a liar and that it's all chocked up to previous relationships, i.e. trust issues with Stupid Idiot, formerly known as Trig. But seriously, no, why blame this on past relationships, I mean he's the one that wasn't really honest with me to begin with.

So we end the conversation, cause he's got the interview in about 15 minutes, and he says, "I'll be home soon, and we can go for a walk and talk about things. I love you." Now, he's dropped the "l" bomb before, so it's really no big deal. hopefully when we talk later tonight things go well. I'm sure they will, which sucks, cause I eman seriously, this all seems like the hugest load of annoying bullshit, yet I'm NEVER mad at this guy. I can't stay mad. I just get sad. And we never fight, we have conversations. Which is certainly a nice change from previous relationships. I can't help but feel a bit guilty though about snooping on his computer for one, but also the constant rehashing of the same goddamn issue. I'd like to just blame him and say that if he had just been upfront with me about all that crap that it would have no longer been an issue, but it's also my fault, because if I hadn't been so timid about it, it probably would have been resolved with one conversation and all this repeated discussion would not have been necessary.

So we end here. I'm sure everything will be fine, and I trust him, I jsut don't like the concept that it took him so long to tell me the COMPLETE truth. But seriously, in previous relationships I was always the guy. I mean, emotionally speaking. I'm a pretty sarcastic and cynical person, so nothing really bothered me all that much before and it was stuff that being neurotic about had never even crossed my mind. But Jesus H. Christ. What's become of me? Suddenly i'm starting midnight conversations about life, and being neurotic about other girls, saying things like, "we need to talk" and crying. I. Don't. Cry. It jsut doesn't happen, but I've noticed a dramatic increase in occurrences. When did I become so girly?

i just read that whole thing.

Amazing, I didn't even have the stamina to proofread it.

I didn't read all of it. So your boyfriend is cheating on you with his stepsister?

close enough

I totally deserve a nap for having read the whole thing.

no, I actually did read all of it. do you feel that this relation ship is more serious than your previous ones?

*tucks in*

I'm gonna go play Nintendogs

hmm, More compatible would be a better wording. It's not that I don't trust him. Cause I'm prety sure he'd never cheat, and he hasn't even had any opportunity to cause I'm here ALL THE TIME.

But I am happy with him, I like that I can talk to him and we never yell.

I can't wait for part II of this story to go up.

Your ping is 348.3 seconds.

ouch

i dont get the whole "w00t" thing, but what the fuck is wtf?

anytime you start with the, we have to talk to a guy, tell him youre pregnant, that way, when you tell him youre joking, and his heart resumes its natural rhythum, what you have to say wont seem so bad.

finally my next addage.....never ever ever ever ask a question that you dont want to hear the answer to

does he know about "us"?

to be honest, jules, he's been lying to you by not telling you everything. that's his responsibility and it's not a lot to ask.

It's not that i don't WANT to know the answer, it's just you wanna know but it's still blech to hear.

So did I.

Text messages are childish. Also, he's stupid for not password protecting his computer.

If you ask me, this is an enormous and unfair leap, and one of the many reasons guys and girls have so many problems... we're just on different wavelengths. I understand you were worried, but I think you were projecting that onto this MSN conversation that really prompted a lot of what you did (calling him, getting him worried etc...). I didn't think 'be nice' was synonymous with 'i'm lying to you about my girlfriend' at all.

YEAH! FUCK communication.