So, less than 3 months ago, my girlfriend of close to 5 years and I broke up. We had been having some communication issues for awhile and got to the point where it just wasn't healthy. So, we parted ways. Now, with all the history between us, we kept in touch via e-mail, like once a week (the whole thought that we may end up together). For awhile the e-mails were nice and we were acting civil again. But, all of sudden her e-mails got a bit short and tense. At the sametime, I had been rethinking the whole communication thing and was coming to this conclusion: I missed her and realised we belong together. So, I figured I'd first try to resolve some of my own issues and move on to some lingering issues I had with her. Well, in the e-mail response I got, she informed me that she was seeing someone and is not sure if we should keep in touch. Talk about a huge punch to the gut. Now, I feel absolutley awful and have no idea what to do. I mean, 5 years and then nothing? It's not like bad shit went down. What a shitty way to start the weekend. Plus, I have to go to a wedding where everyone will ask, where is so and so?

Wedding Crashers

Bash her butt!
Kick her shins!

Sounds like the initial breakup was mutual...she just happened to find someone else before you did. You would have done the same thing in reversed roles.

Well, considering less than 3 weeks ago, we were talking about missing each other and maybe getting back together...

I won't dispute that it wouldn't hurt as bad if I had found someone, but looking back at past correspondence, this is all very sudden. Just a very abrupt change in attitude in the last 10-12 days

Did you still get to tell her how you feel? That you want her back and you want to make yourself better? Maybe she thinks you are just done with her and she's broken hearted that you might be and she's running to the rebound?

I've been there, although on her side of it. We'd been together for nearly 5 years, but he had issues that were not even close to beginning to be resolved and I realized I was different and he hadn't changed, ya know? I guess I grew up and he was still a kid inside, and I didn't wanna play "momma" to him any more. I thought we could still be friends and still be in the band together, but being around him always just reminded me of why I broke up with him in the first place. Also, I moved on and started seeing other people and I guess he still thought he had a chance with me. I finally had to just cut off all contact with him (although it didn't really do much good, cuz he harassed me for roughly 2 years afterwards).

look on the brightside, you will get to meet someone new, that cant be all bad. Save face now.

THis is actually all very helpful, thanks. I haven't been able to talk to friends yet as this happened late last night and now I am work (very productive day).

Basically, she has had some family issues (a death of someone close to her)but never really communicated how I could help her. Plus, we had been doing a distance thing (like 2.5 hours). It gets complicated but I'll be brief as to not confuse people. Anyway, she was going through some family issues while I was adjusting to new job/new location. Both of us needed support. I could articulate this, she could not. It got pretty crappy (but had been very good for a long time), hence the break up. I have been re-examing what is important to me and realize famiy, friend and her (her 1st) beat the job-even if it is a job I love. That's what I was close to realizing until last night and the e-mail. an e-mail that also said that she had been mad at me for along time because of lack of support during her family crisis. At the time, I thought I was supporting her as best I could from 2.5 hours away and always asked what else I could do. That's why I am so upset today because I have been thinking about what she wants me to think about.

edit: double post

I'm sorry this has happened. Your best next step, in my humble opinion, is to do as she wishes and give her the space she's asked for. TRUST ME, she will email you when she's ready to be friends. Who knows what will happen? Good luck...

[ross voice]

but we were ON THE BREAK

[/ross voice]

In addition to this, go out and get laid.

Seriously.

Very, very much agree with this. THE main reason now that I can never be on good terms with my ex again is that he WOULD NOT leave me alone. I asked him to not call me or anything, and he did anyway, emailed me, sent messages through mutual friends, approached me when we ran into each other in public...not to mention the creepy stuff. I know you won't do anything creepy though. Just, seriously, if you really, really care about her, DO NOT contact her if she asks you not to. When/if she's ready to have a friendship or relationship with you again, she'll let you know.

and have a few of these

NICE fucking choice!

Can we have one of those three-way marriages?

Well, after many phone calls with friends, even a friend of my ex's, I'm taking Schlitz's above advice. Seems to me the most common theme is to tell her how I have been feeling and give that a shot. She's calling me back tonight (she had to work early today and is definitely calling the shots right now)

Do what you feel is right above all, use your best judgement, you'll be ok.

Agreed. I mean, might as well trying to tell her how you feel. If it doesn't work you can always go with other advice.