ok, as some of you know, i play deck hockey, and since there is no NHL right now, ill provide some of the funnier moments in my league.

brief recap. deck hockey is like ice hockey, only its not played on ice (except in the winter, because theres no roof on the place) and instead of skate, we run. there is icing, and the center line is the offsides line. there are three leagues, d-south, d-north and C league. this is d-south.

last season:

Team Name: Stacked
Glorious Moments: JD, our best player skill wise, is threatend all game by the other teams biggest guy. Their guy is about 6'3-6'4 and jd is maybe 5'10. 40 or so seconds left in the game, from the faceoff, the guy tells JD he is going to kick his ass, and the ball is dropped, JD drops his glove and clocks the guy right across the noggin. JD recieves a 4 game suspension. it sucks cause we are one game away from the playoffs.

big tough guy, as we leave the deck, calls everyone pussies, and then proceeds to call the police on JD.

regular season: we were like 5-7 or 6-6, cant recall.
playoffs Rnd 1: single game elimination vs Dirty Sanchez. They are the heavily favored. I scored the 1st and 4th goal (4th goal is an empty net) and we win 4-0.

Semis: Best of three vs the Minute Men. All Air National Guardsmen. We sweep them 2-0. JD comes back for Game 2.

Finals: Best of three vs Kendrews. My old team, i played probably 6 or 7 hockey seasons with these guys, and am very friendly with them. the problem being, im against them, and i can seperate friendship very easily when i play against someone. They beat us both games in the regular season pretty handidly, and this game was no different. we lose 7-3, and they are whooooooing it up. The whooooooooo originated with me on that team, and i feel slighted they were doing it to me and my new team. we vow revenge.

game 2: before the game we try to think of a new strategy, they are playing 3 guys on JD, and JD being JD, doesnt make the passes in the first game leading to our asses getting beat. we contemplate putting JD in goal, and allowing our goalie to play out. we went 3-1 when JD was suspended so we think this might work. Instead, we put JD back on defense. Kendrews doesnt know what to do, cause they dont know who to cover. we win a hard fought game, 3-2.

game 3: again, JD is on defense and at the end of 2 periods, it is 2-2. third period we poured it on and made no dumb plays. we win 6-3 for the championship. on a side note, they dont like hearing me Whooooo after every pass and shot.


This Season

Team Name: 2% only me and baker remain from Stacked, and he names our team roller scum. no way am i playing on a team called roller scum, so without his knowledge, i tell the owner our name is 2%. baker is extremely, and when i saw extremely, i mean if any milk product or byproduct touches his skin, he has minutes to get to the hospital, allergic to milk.

first game: vs Godfathers. they only have 5 players and we have 9. i have two goals and one assist. first goal was a sweet roll out from the boards, through 3 people and a low wrist shot stick side. goalie never saw it. i was more proud of my assist though, as im bringing the ball up, i see bakes cutting down far side and as i wind up for a slapshot, the goalie slides to me as does the defenseman.

i swing as hard as i can, and stop just before i reach the ball. i then gently pass it across the crease to bakes waiting stick.

second game: vs 15lbs Lighter. a bunch of newbies at the deck in the sense they have never heard me run my mouth. it should be fun. i go up to their goalie, who happens to be in a semi-popular band around here and travels up and down the east coast mushcup, and i ask him to pick a number between 1-5, he says 5, i say good, thats how many goals im going to score on you and he laughs at it.

about 5 minutes in to the game, i take a slap shot just to keep the ball in their zone to get a line change and as luck would have it, bottom right corner, he never even moved. the tie it up and then soon enough it is 2-2.

3rd period we get three more goals, having noone score more than one, me, voiynick, conforto, dan and nick all scoring for a 5-2 victory. like i said, most of the guys from that team never heard me before and hopefully they didnt learn, because the one guy brings the ball across the line of a 3 on 2, and i yell from the bench, they're off, and the guy stops, leaves the ball there and goes back to touch up on the offsides. i laugh and say, dude, im joking, im no reff. hes pissed off over it

so..in the end you were a dumbass for switching teams? sounds fun tho..are you on rollerblades or sneakers??

It sounds like it'd be a lot of fun, but I'd probably feel like a little bitch running around instead of skating (even though I can't skate).

does anyone else not consider "deck" hockey the same sport as "ice hocke" or "roller hockey"? just from playing hockey w/ skates and playing kids w/ sneakers on, its like we're not even playing the same sport.

no offense peeps, i loved the stories

switching what team?

i used to play for kendrews, then took a season or two off (mind you a season is only like 8 weeks) and when i was ready to make my return, someone asked me to play on their team so i did.

i kinda dont like playing on the same team season in and season out, i like playing with different players and what not instead of the same folks over and over.

as far as switching from last season team to this years, this years team is in the d-north, not d-south. they kinda deemed our d-south team illegal even though record wise we were barely average.

the owner moved JD to another team that had NOBODY on it, and the first game we played in this new season, was against him. i got called for a hooking against him

believe me, there are many debates up at the deck as to which is the "true" sport. like i said, our team name was going to be roller scum, which is what all of us who played with no skates, called the skaters. skaters would say it takes no skill whatsoever to play deck, but all kinds of skill to play roller.

but after a few of them made the transition to deck (jd and bakes to name a few) they realized how hard deck actually is. JD is one of the few exceptions. the kid in roller, no joke, would score 6 or 7 goals with ease, barely even breaking a sweat. on deck, he scores probaby 3-5 on any given night.

with roller and ice, its a bit harder on your back, but with deck, you dont have the luxury of just "coasting" on your skates, if you get lazy, you stop. there have been times where i was on a team and we had no subs. 3 10 minute periods go by realllly slow and by the time that third period comes around, you just hope the other team is up by 8 so its a running clock.

They're not even close. It's completely different running as opposed to skating on skates or rollerblades.

alrighty then.....


still the same season as before. we cruised the regular season 10-0 and got the first round bye. we start the second round playing the last place team who got their mojo back at the right time.

their first round game they were down 5-0 with 4:30 left in the second period when the game was called due to flooding of the dek, katrina had made her way north here, and we had two solid days of rain. i know its nothing like new orleans got, but just why the game was called. they pick the game up the following day and forced OT with less than 10 seconds to play in the third. they win in OT on a shot that bounced off of 3 people befor finding the back of the net.

so its 2% (my team) vs godfathers in the semi finals, best of three. we played last thursday, and only had 5 guys. i wasnt too happy about that, but people have to work, and two of our regular guys are back at school. i had two goals and one helper for a 5-2 victory. we played very solid, and the two goals they scored, we left our goalie out to dry cause we were tired.

the owner asks us when we want to play next, and we say thursday, and we are set. one of our guys says, good, ill be at the steeler game as will diddy and ron. immediately the other team asks for the game on sunday at 6:30 knowing full well we wont have our team, and the owner changes it against our pleas.

sunday comes, and we have five guys. we arent cocky confident, but feel we can pull this one out. 3 minutes into the game, i go to make a play around a kid, and i step right on his stick and my ankle gets mangled for my efforts. we go up 4-1 early in the second, but lady luck is not smiling on us. i have one goal and two assists in this one.

with 1.2 seconds left, they tie it up to force OT on a slap shot from the point. 7 seconds into the OT, the score on a backhander. a real heart breaker seeings as we let them steal this one from us. never mind they had three subs and we had none.

so after the game, knowing my ankle is killing me and will be killing me, i ask for a later game so that our other defenseman can make it, and the other team is bitching that 10:30 is too late to play cause three of them have to get up early. i call bullshit, that the decided the last game time, to which they all conviently forgot. so we settle for 9:30 and hope ron can make it in time. as i went to sleep about 12:30am 3:30am comes with a jolt as my foot gets caught between my matress and bed frame. i wake up in more pain, and realize my ankle is swelled pretty good, and my knee is bothering me. i have insurance but hate hospitals. i ended up never going back to sleep and my day at work sucked big time.

game 3 in a best of three. so far, we have held the lead in 60 minutes and 6 seconds in the series, and the trend continues, we go up 2-0 early in the first. i have my ankle wrapped tight and it feels ok to run on it. its not like i lost any speed cause of it, cause you cant really lose what you never had. begining of the 3rd, we are up 3-1, when their defenseman brings the ball up and trys to make a move around me, and i kicked the ball from him rolled from the boards out and took a wrist shot the goalie never saw. i yell, and feel better with a 4-1 lead, and i make a few jokes and line backup for the face off. we win the face off back to the defenseman who then innocently plays it up to me on the boards. with their defenseman running at me, i just blast it and try to get it deep in the zone. goalie never even flinched. in a span of 10 seconds we go from 3-1 to 5-1.

finals start thursday at 8:30

kick ass peeps!!!

a brall during the finals sounds like good times to me

close, but no cigar yet...maybe tuesday...


so we start our game and are up early, 2-0 not even midway through the first. im amazed, cause the goalie is someone i consider the top if not top b goalie up there. we have a kid on our team who just has the most amazing hands and does shit to the ball that burns people like noone else.


the funny thing is, before the game, the captain of the other team asks, where are your 'd' players. the league this is in is the d north, there are two other leagues, the d south (lower skill level of teams than d north) and the C league, more skill than the dnorth) and hes looking around and says, ok you have jerry and thats it. not in a mean way, but more in a truthful joking way, skill wise im probably the weak link, but i make most of my opportunities. when he says this, i say to their goalie, pat just signed your death warrant. everyone says the team im on is illegal, but we only have two really standout guys, the others are just solid.

so back to the game, we are up 2-0 and its like the unleashed the hounds on us. 2-1, a minute later it's 2-2 and about 30 seconds its 3-2 them. the goals were fairly cheap, but they still count no matter how inexpensive they are. one more goal for them and its looking ugly to start the 3rd period for us, down 4-2.

a few minutes into the 3rd we get within 1 goal, and i let a whooooo, knowing full well the other teams despises when i do this. we get the ball down deep and i try to plant on my bad ankle and i just collapse, so as i try to get up, my stick is between a kids legs, and as i go to pull it out, he puts the leglock on it and wont let go. so i knew what i had to do, and i yanked the stick up, but didnt hit him in his yam yam's, though if he didnt let go of my stick,i would have. so a few seconds later, the play is whistled dead, and as im walking back, he looks back at me like hes going to drill me, then turns around and scans for where the refs are. i being the smart and crafty player that i am, walk with my stick in front of my to protect the ol shins, and he wacks me pretty good with his stick. i never say a word and just keep walking.

now hes trying to intimidate me. hes about my size and has a temper way worse than i can dream of and hes bitching and yelling at me, saying how im scared to come on his side blah blah blah, but i know a mind game when i hear one and im not even coming close to getting baited by him.

so its still 4-3 about 5 minutes through the 10 minute period when the ball goes into the far corner of their end. using my blazing one legged speed, i chase after the ball when their goalie comes out of his creese to play the ball. all i want him to do is play it back along the boards behind his net, which by sealing off the boards on my side, i do, and he clears it, right to one of my teammates who scores on an empty net. it doesnt count as an assist, but i made the very smart play to get us the goal.

tied up at 4-4 i dont want this to go to overtime. alas we scored on a blazing slap shot, 5-4. the kid on my team with the hands, hes a big kid probably about 6' and 220-230, but if you get physical with him, he turns into a turtle, so as hes bringing the ball up, he basically gets tackled by the guy who hit me, and he tries to shrug him off with an elbow, and apparently accidently hits him in the face with the buttend of the stick.

game ends with many threats on his life, and i wonder if he will show up for game 2

hey peeps, do you play this game with a puck or a ball?

a ball, and it sucks cause theres three types of ball


a water ball, which has water in it to weight it down, and if you get hit with a slapshot from it, you may get a broken bone

a pink ball, which is usually good for winter, cause in the summer its really soft and hard to do any stick work with it

and the orange ball, good for all seasons, doesnt lose its hardness in the winter or summer (viagra jokes may ensue)

i think as two teams combined last night, we lost probably about 7 balls or so, and as always, the ref will hollar up to the stands if anyone has any balls, and someone always, always, hollars back

two of the biggest ones youll ever see, dingleberry


no matter how old it gets, still a laugher

waterballs are the best

i got hit by one before, it was like fat quake all over my body, i couldnt stop jiggling

i like them b/c they dont bounce alot and i can rip a mean wrist shot w/ 'em

my wrist shot is shoddy at best, but when i get one off, i have a high degree of scoring, cause noone ever thinks its going to work.

i prefer the old, put your head down and swing as hard as you can method

tonite was game two:

a very poor showing on our part. we started off with only 4 guys, i dropped back to defense and within the first minute they were up 1-0. it didnt get much better, and it was a little chippy there in the third, so i have no doubt that thursdays game is going to be even chippier, its going to be very physical to say the least, i just hope my guys dont cave

alrighty then, since you cant get enough:

game three, deciding game its going to be a thriller:

its a hockey night in quiptown, slightly warm with a chance of rain. the two teams get there with their usual sparse team, we had 5, they had 7 guys. 1 minute before the game we get our sub, so we feel a little better about our chances.

my ankle is feeling much much better, i think i screwed up playing basketball for 2.5 hours monday night then trying to play hockey on it tuesday night. with a full days rest on it, its alot better, but i wrap it just the same.

they go up 1-0 about a third of the way through the first and we tied it in the middle of the 1st. nothing too physical yet, the reffing, as always is attrocious, but what can ya do. the refs arent going to change their minds on calls. so towards the end of the third, about 4 minutes left, our guy goes to clear the ball up the boards, and i run over to play it to make sure the other team cant keep it in, and as i do, i meet one of their guys there at the boards, and luckily i put it past his stick, pivot and take off after it.

the guy totally hooks me, and is trying to evicerate me, and i try to run through it, but hes got me good. i finally grab his stick and throw it, and of course, my dumbass gets called for interference. im livid at the call, but again, its game 3 of a championship and they are going to let us play. as i walk to the box, the guys whos stick i threw says, nice play asshole.

im out of the box at 2:57 of the first and i happen to join the play late, the ball comes right out to me and i one time it. i watch as the goalie stands there as the beautiful sound of *tink* plays in the background as i hit the corner and it drops behind him. 2-1 us.

the second is pretty uneventful as far as physicality goes, its too close for either team to do anything stupid. they score on a rebound that our goalie made a very incredible save to stop in the first place.

half way through the third, we score on a nice move by conforto, and we are up 3-2. still half a period to go (5 minutes) which was a lifetime out there. as soon as we score, our game plan is to ice it everytime and get out and cover the points from the ensuing face off. luckily we had some bounces go our way, and thats the way it wrapped up.

good night

My wrist shot is far better than my slapshot just because it's so accurate. I don't shoot either particularily hard, but my slapshot is horribly inconsistent and I can usually put the wristshot wherever I feel like putting it.