Time discovers its bending
A second is ending giving birth to itself
Reasons are losing their substance
A soul's resistance to fear's unbreakable

Doubts are falling like snow, melting on a warm skin

Tears embrace the snow
A doubt is washed off sinking into the earth
Hearts are meeting in dire,
Desperate desire, exploring unknown land

Faith is spreading its wings, carrying minds higher to the sun
Hope is the seed that got planted, growing towards the sky





the idea is that the lyrics are really only the beginning of a song that is gonna be rather music-directed, with a big instrumental part in it... hmmm... anway, thoughts?

that line seems really akward and out of place

I like it, it has some really strong points and I only suggest expanding on a couple of lines, namely "A soul's resistance to fear's unbreakable" and "hearts are meeting in dire," it's fairly abstract and perhaps you could use some concrete language to really get across what you are saying here or a smile or another type of metaphor.

First of all thank you very much for your thoughts. And yeah well, about the abstractness of these lines... well actually they come from a very certain situation I have been/ am in... and I thought that people in the same or a similar situation could relate very well to it... I'll definitely consider your point though, no doubt about that, and at least it will be part of my creative process the next time I write something... but yeah, maybe these lines need small changes.

by the way, does it become clear that I use the word fear as a noun? or should it rather be "towards fear"? would that help?

Using towards would help in the line but I also think there is room or a call for more detail, in other words what type of soul is this, what type of unbreakable fear is this, is it like steel or concrete. One other thing, just something to test out in the future is the use of abstractions, I was stressed by my poetry teacher last semester, to not use them at all but instead use concrete words and similes and metephors to express the abstraction, it's a different experience to write like that and it can lead to some interesting images.

okay. alright by the way I meant to say that the resistance is unbreakable, not the fear.

that is very interesting... especially since I had been trying especially in this piece to really hardly use any images (metaphors and so on, you know...), cause someone told me a while ago that I often use too many of them... so I made a different approach... apparently with mixed success.

I was typing all this up before I left from work, and thus had the feeling that I had misread your use of fear

okay.

i think it's beautiful.

thank you very much.