Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
Blackadder: Yes Baldrick. Let us not forget you tried to solve the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.

Young Crone: Do have an appointment?

Blackadder: No.

Young Crone: Well, you can go in anyway.

Blackadder: Thank you, young crone. Here is a purse full of moneys...which I'm not going to give to you.

Blackadder: She's got the worst personality in Germany. And as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.

[Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries]
Baldrick: I'm glad to say you won't be needing that pill, Mr. B.
Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick: They certainly are.
Blackadder: Well, forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick: We do nothing...
Blackadder: Yup, it's another world-beater.
Baldrick: No, wait. We do nothing... until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder: And then we... spring into action?

General Melchett: If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.

Edit: SIG'D.

Private Baldrick: No, the thing is: The way I see it, these days there's a war on, right? And, ages ago, there wasn't a war on, right? So, there must have been a moment when there not being a war on went away, right? And there being a war on came along. So, what I want to know is: How did we get from the one case of affairs to the other case of affairs?
Captain Blackadder: Do you mean "How did the war start?"
Private Baldrick: Yeah.

* checks Arts & Entertainment forum for the first time *

* searches for Blackadder *

* finds new favourite thread *

"Baldrick, your brain is like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen"
"In what way? "
"It doesn't exist "



Baldrick, you wouldn't recognize a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing 'subtle plans are here again'.

George: You know what would cheer you up? A Charlie Chaplain film! Oh I love old chappers, don't you cap?
Blackadder: Unfortunately no, I don't. I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.


Melchett: Now, Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field
Blackadder: Would this brilliant plan involve us climbing over the top of our trenches and walking, very slowly towards the enemy?
Darling: How did you know that Blackadder? It's classified information
Blackadder: It's the same plan we used last time, and the seventeen times before that
Melchett: E-e-exactly! And that is what is so brilliant about it. It will catch the watchful Hun totally off guard. Doing exactly what we've done eighteen times before will be the last thing they expect us to do this time.

Percy: I must say Edmund, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast before the rigours of the day begin.
Blackadder: It is said, Percy, that civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.
Percy: [Delighted] Yes, I'd heard that.
Blackadder: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

Percy: Fashion today is towards the tiny.
Edmund: Well in that case Percy, you have the most fashionable brain in London.

George: Oh, sir, just one thing - if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?
Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

This is a great thread

what is this blackadder you guys speak of

It's an English series. Comes as close as it gets to being as genious as Fawlty Towers! I know the whole 4 serieus completely by heart and I still laugh out loud every time I watch these episodes.

is it aviliable to buy in the usa

Euh... well, I just called to all stores in the US and they said...

Blackadder: Baldrick, get the door.
[there is a crash and Baldrick enters with the door]
Blackadder: Now, Baldrick, I advise you to make whatever explanation you are about to give exceptionally good.
Baldrick: You said get the door.
Blackadder: Not good enough, you're fired.
Baldrick: But I've been in your family since 1557.
Blackadder: So has syphilis. Now get out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BLACKADDER = BA
BALDRICK = B
PERCY = P

BA: Right Baldrick, let's try again shall we? This is called adding. If I
have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?
B: Some beans.
BA: Yes...and no. Let's try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two
more beans. What does that make?
B: A very small casserole.
BA: Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try
again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?
B: Three
BA: What?
B: And that one.
BA: Three and that one. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?
B: Oh! Some beans.
BA: Yes. To you Baldrick, the renaissance was just something that happened
to other people wasn't it?
Enter P wearing an enormous rough.
P: Edmund, Edmund, come quickly the queen wants to see you.
BA: What-
P: I said "Edmund, Edmund, come quickly the queen wants to see-"
BA: Please let me finish. What, are you wearing round your neck?
P: Ah! It's my new rough!
BA: You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate!
P: It's the latest fashion actually and as a matter of fact it makes me
look rather sexy!
BA: To another plate swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't
had it in months.
P: I think you may be wrong.
BA: You're a sad laughable figure aren't you Percy? What do you think of
Percy's rough Baldrick?
B: Four.
BA: What?
B: Some beans and some beans is four beans.
BA: No, no. We've moved on from advanced mathematics, we're onto elementary
dressmaking. What do you think of Percy's rough?
B: I think he looks like a bird who's swallowed a plate my Lord.
BA: No that's what I think, that's what I think! What do you think?
Try to have a thought of your own, Baldrick, thinking is so
important. What do you think?
B: I think thinking is so important my Lord.
BA: I give up! I'm off to see the queen.
P: Oh shall I come too my Lord?
BA: No, best not, people might think we're friends. You stay here with
Baldrick.Bird neck and bird brain should get on like a house on fire!

it might be aviliable and even available through http://www.ebay.com. it's a pretty neat site, you can purchase things online there.